Does someone you know, seem to ooze confidence? Do you look at friends’ posts on Facebook and think, “Wow, I wish my life was like THAT!” or, “He’s so nice and sincere…”? Does someone around you have everyone loving them, and almost worship the ground they walk on? Someone, who has no enemies…at ALL?
These people are just like everyone else. They want others to view themselves as something other than the fucked up mess they really are. They don’t have self confidence, or they are trying to paint a pretty picture so everyone “likes” them, which is a great way of saying they really don’t have any confidence in themselves. They don’t like themselves enough to be real or stand behind what they do or say. They don’t admit wrong doing, or they are so afraid of back lash, or upsetting someone, they candy-coat everything that comes out of their mouths.
I study everything and everyone. It’s a bad habit, I know. Probably not the most productive, interrelationship-wise, way to be. I’m aware of that. However, I would rather see the real person and sometimes the only way to do that is to analyze their habits, choices of verbage, interaction with others and so-on. When you do this, you start to understand who the person is…really… It takes some time…
Everyone you meet, has some sort of mask. Either, they actively show a false persona to hide their true selves from the rest of humanity, due to some unresolved self-hatred or fear of anger, or they become a recluse for the EXACT SAME REASON. Afraid to let themselves show, because they don’t think the real person is “good enough”. Does this sound like someone you know? Trust me, you know quite a few.
Do you ever find yourselves jealous of another, because they “have it all together” and “everyone loves him/her”… Don’t worry, they aren’t all that wonderful. They just don’t want anyone to know their beliefs, opinions or what-have-you, for fear of upsetting someone. They are the ones who say to themselves, “I don’t like that” but will say to you, “would you like me to do ‘this or that’ for you?” to change your behavior into what is more palatable or closer to their own desired outcome. It’s manipulative, really, though painted in a pretty light.
We all want to be well liked. We all want to be able to hold our own heads high, in a crowd. The best way to do that, is to love yourselves enough to understand that not everyone will like you, nor will you like everyone around you.
Once upon a time, I knew someone who enjoyed being self-righteous. That person said about himself, “I do what I say and say what I mean”.. Even though he wasn’t being honest about himself, what he said does hold some truth.
If you say you’re going to do something, do it. If you tell someone something that upsets them, own it and make apologies or amends where you can. If you do something that is either right or wrong, own it and admit it. The attractive person is real to themselves and to others. Anything less than that, is a lie.
Are you confident enough to stand behind what you say, or your actions? Are you big enough to admit to your mistakes, even if it hurts another? Or are you like so many others, and back-track to minimize what was said, telling the other person, “I don’t believe I said that” when you KNOW you did? (That’s also gaslighting, by the way). You might not mean to be manipulative in any way, but in being like that (yes… it’s manipulative), you are also showing your low self-image. Your lack of confidence.
Let your yes be yes, and your no mean no. Are you man or woman enough to love yourselves enough to be REAL to everyone? I don’t mean to tell you to bare all of your skeletons for the rest of the world to see, and in turn show how vulnerable you are. That just invites attack. Stop hiding yourselves, for whatever reason. Lasting relationships and friendships come from accepting others for their faults, strengths, weaknesses, and mistakes. You allow someone to really know who you are. In the end, that’s the most rewarding way to be, and breeds the best intimacy between you and those you love. Why build a relationship based on lies?
Have a wonderful week