“Toxic Shock” by Zombies du Jour

I have to appologize…i tried to reblog this directly from ‘Zombies du Jour’s site, but it only posted part of the blog. It’s so good, and I can more than relate to his post, I just know I’m not the only person who can benefit from this! Thank you for sharing your experience, ‘zombie’ :D…

This is also a tactic of mind control or brain-washing. The predator uses this tactic to keep his/her victim unsure and insecure… always being in a state or moderate or severe anxiety, waiting for the next proverbial bomb… then the honeymoon phase, which is ALWAYS short-lived, then back to the shock and eek campaign. Keeps the victim teetering on an ever disintegrating tight-rope, and open (ever so slightly) to another thought process… the predator’s. I lived this, as many of you have. Healing comes slowly…but it DOES come! I believe that. Thanks to all for your insight. I’m learning and growing stronger, day by day.

“Toxic Shock

 

When Narcissists are low on energy or supply, they will create a situation to make you give it to them.  They will make an accusation against you that isn’t true in order to see your face become shocked, sad, confused or anguished.  They will produce that accusation out of thin air, even though they know it’s not true, because it will cause you to give them your attention.  They will feel a rush of power because of  the emotions they alone have made you feel.

Whatever you do, don’t defend or explain yourself to them.   Just be very still and observe them.  Raise an eyebrow, if you can.  Then watch carefully.  When they escalate, call them out on their behavior only.  Tell them to stop shrieking and yelling and that if they don’t stop you will leave the room.  Don’t even acknowledge or discuss the lies they have dumped on you.  It’s all bullshit.

Know that a Narcissist’s accusations are a pathetic attempt to project their own nastiness into you.  Don’t put it in your pocket.”

check my blogroll…

Please check out the new links posted on my blogroll…I’m having great luck coming across great blogs and articles, this morning! But, as life would have it, all things must end…for now. Feel free to comment about any one of these, as I have found a new breath of fresh air because of them, too. I hope you find them helpful as well.

Peace

gotta love this!

I chose to repost this directly from her blog, “Inside the mind of a Psychopath”… I did remove her personal message directed to her X, however. What she says is a great inspiration of strength, which I need to absorb into myself. she’s not afraid to expose him by NAME! Me, I’ve been afraid to say anything because of potential repercussions. All that has done is keep me stuck in the “fear” game. I realize that now. I’m still not calling him by name, but I am being open about my experience. Anyone who knows me, knows who it’s about. Including my “X”. He won’t say anything for fear of adhering to the guilt, which HE ALONE carries!

If you find some strength, SHARE IT!

Peace 😀

 

”

I’m a LuckyGirl

Luckygirl

We cannot control who we are born to. Some of us have it good and some of us do not. My entire life I’ve never considered myself a victim. Even now, having dealt with a true psychopath, I refuse to be his victim. Giving in and feeling defeat would be power in his court and I will not allow that. I am smart, educated and strong. I will survive this as I have everything else. Make no mistake, this time I will not allow myself to fall into another web of deceit. [content removed] We can control who we let into our lives. From there we can control who we let into our hearts. After devastation there is always a reflection period and then repair, healing and memory. While we never forget the chaos or turmoil, we will survive YOU. The “luckygirls” will survive. Amy Yeung was unfortunately not a luckygirl. This site is dedicated to her memory and to those who sought love and companionship and received far worse.”

Healing…

I am constantly aware of the world around me, these days. I’m aware of people and their reactions toward me. The change in me after being under the thumb of a narcissist is, I am never completely comfortable…anywhere! I feel as though I am living in borrowed space, looking through someone else’s eyes. I have been made to be afraid every moment and day of my waking life, for the past year. Though the relationship is over, the hell I have had to endure isn’t completely over. Every day is easier, though I still don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. I’m still forced to be aware of everyone around me and how they might be viewing me as a person. I still feel like I have to look over my shoulder AT ALL TIMES. I’ve never been a paranoid person in any way, shape or form. Yet the reality as it sits today is that I’m paranoid! It’s not that I can’t trust others around me, per se’…but I don’t trust them as it pertains to my “X”, and their flawed views of him as a person. I feel that I’m the one being looked at as the awful person. That I’m not trusted or believed. I have to be constantly aware of any potential turn of events. Aware that at any given time, he could turn the corner and be everyone’s friend, and I’ll still be the one on the outside, wanting to join everyone on the inside. This might not make sense. I’m just writing it as it comes out.

Some of the things I have noticed: The way I think, has been completely changed. I’m not quick-witted, nor am I able to concentrate very well. My ability to remember much of anything, has been affected too. My memories of the past year are not vivid. I remember…don’t get me wrong…but it’s as though I’m “seeing” things through a cloud. I see most things through a cloud. It’s effecting everything in my life. My ability to recall the previous days events, for example, are embarrassingly slighted. The ability to maintain a thought while writing, has also been affected. I have always been proud of my writing abilities. Now, there is little to be proud of. I sometimes wonder if, through the past year’s Hell,  I haven’t been afflicted with some sort of dementia-like disorder.

I’m not the “me” I loved (though there still was room for improvement). At the same time, some of the things that I have lost over the years through other bad experiences, such as; empathy, compassion, etc. are so bare and open, I tear up at the slightest provocation. This IS something that I saw as beautiful about myself, so many years ago. It’s nice to see that side of me again, though there is no balance. When will this all stop so that I can pick up and continue on, without any left over residual residue?? It’s been 7 months since he’s been totally out of my life. Yet, 7 months later I am still having to live next to where he works, see his car and on occasion I still have to see him at work. He leaves me alone…though I’m sure he’s till watching my every move… enquiring of others about anything he could use against me at any given time. 

I saw him come into my store the other day. He didn’t come near me, but I did see him come in. I wasn’t ready for that. I shook for several hours as a result. I am completely aware that wishing someone would die, is wrong…but…  What if he did die some day? Would my hell be over just because of that? Honestly, I don’t believe so. I’m still stuck in the life he conditioned me to. I don’t believe it would be “all better” just because some entity was merciful enough to destroy him for me.

This is just a result of being tired of feeling and living like this. I’m really tired of this. I just want to be “me” again! Silly, bouncy, bubbly, intelligent, little ol’ me. Where did I go??

Thank you for allowing me some ‘venting’ time. Tomorrow will be a good day, regardless of everything else. My granddaughter and I will get to spend the day together. We’ve made plans to go to a play area for a while. I’ll be making her a large breakfast, with everything she likes. I want her to feel special for the entire day!

This one word is just as much a wish for myself, as it is for anyone going through the same thing as I am… PEACE!