I invite male victims of Psychological abuse, to join in this blog…

You will notice upon reading my blog, that it’s primarily geared toward the female victims of psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists. I, in no way, have intentionally negated anything that our male counterparts have experienced. I only know how to view my experiences as I am…a woman. I hope you feel drawn to join this discussion as well. Neither man, nor woman, have the greater pain… The pain is universal, as I have come to understand. It’s as if the psychopaths of this world have been produced from a mold..all traits viewed are universal, though the actual experiences of the victim might vary. Gentlemen, please feel free to join in, here. Keep in mind that this is a safe place for victims. By choice, I don’t allow actual names or geographical regions to be used in the comments, out of consideration for victims and their families. This applies to men as well. You need to be safe, too. You are safe to vent, bitch, complain, cry or anything else you need to further your healing process.

We are friends, here…  Peace

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22 thoughts on “I invite male victims of Psychological abuse, to join in this blog…

  1. Ixchel

    Wow, great minds think alike. I hadn’t read your blog in a few days and didn’t know you had written about this topic. Late last night, I wrote “When Women Have Anti Social Personality Disorder in a Relationship.” It is important not to forget the male victims.

    Namaste,

    Ixchel

    1. I received notification about your blog entry. I thought it was cool that we posted the same subject! Maybe there is something in the works, that a higher-power is trying to see through :)… you’re a cool people! Have a good day!

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  9. Hi, I just went out of a relationship with my girlfriend and for the last 2 month’s I couldn’t understand what the hell happened and who I was in a relationship with for the past 5 years…
    Let me start at the end, after living together for past 4.5 years my gf got a job in another town, we worked at the same company so I also decided to go but I had to wait for 2 more months because I was still needed at my present place.
    Don’t get me wrong i had my doubts about her for last 2 years but i simply couldn’t believe that this is who she was.We went exactly trough these first 3 steps, 100% (I wish I read it earlier..):

    http://www.sarahtateauthor.com/cluster-b's.html

    I couldn’t believe what a wonderful woman i have found, caring and loving and a great lover.
    She was my everything and I was hers.
    She had a hard life, everyone did harm to her but she never harmed anyone, all her boyfriends cheated on her but she never cheated on them, she was sad and wonderfull person that just needed little help and love to be great, and the person to give it was me!
    But then first inconsistencys came…
    One of the biggest was when I found out that she did cheat on her previous boyfriend; she created a web of lies (there was a lot of lies about everything but still couldn’t believe it..), but she would get lost in it, she would forget what she previously told me and would change the story over and over again..until I confronted her, there was a fight but she admited she did it…
    But it wasn’t her fault (oh my..)and like it was never her fault, at nothing, from her storys she never did anything wrong, ever, she regreted nothing and she had justification for all her actions (often these justifications came with huge amount of tears..)

    Rationally I knew that something was wrong and that I had to run as fast as I can away but…she was still so great to me, my by far best relationship, this is once a sad person, that others did terible things I love her and want to protect her and make her believe in her self again and show the world how great she is!
    We are 5 years together now, we do every thing together (I’ve lost most of my friends by now but I tried to bring them back some of them for the two last years..) but the doubt becomes bigger and bigger.
    And then the transfer came…she realised that I wasn’t the same anymore and had my doubts about going to other town with her and then it was love, unamaginable love like never before…

    When she moved, it was step one (from the link above) all over again, love and passion every time I came to see her for a weekend or something, I fell for her again.We would talk over phone or skype and she kept telling me that i saved her, that she will always love me that she will be lost again if I left her, she can’t wait to see me again I was the true love of her life, I was more in love than ever… and than BAM!
    She stopped answering my calls and would always call me back at her convenience, she would say I love you, everything is ok but can’t talk right now, and it went on for 4,5 days and than she said in cold blood, I cheated on you…. no regrets, no remorse, no anything…not even an explination….afther 5 days i phoned her an asked Why???How???I was in a state of complete sock.
    My first thought was that she must have been raped (yes I know I am an idiot..)it was the only solution because no way that this wonderfull woman, my soul mate who loved me so much, (she was writing poems about me?!?!?!)would do this….
    But she said it just happened, no remorse, no guilt no explinations…and because of 5 years of guilt that she put into my mind I kept thinking that it is my fault and what will be with poor little her far away in new city (yes I know I am a moron by now..)

    For one whole month I couldn’t believe what the hell has happened and then I started browsing the web and all of the answers came…cluster B.

    P.S.She is still calling and manipulating my friends into thinking that I was the one to blame for brakeup and that I was horrible to her, like everyone else but that is a different story…

    This is my “short” story still picking up fragments of my life..

    1. Hi Michael, and welcome 🙂 I know the place you are in, and I want to spend time in my reply to you. I want you to know that I have read it and YOU AREN’T ALONE! I have to get ready for work very soon, so I won’t be able to respond just yet…I will write back after I get home. Talk again in a little while. I appreciate your comment, and no worries about the spelling. I think you did just fine 🙂

    2. Hi Michael. I apologize that I wasn’t able to respond until now. I understand what you are going through! I believe my X cheated on me, too. I am convinced that he had call girls (prostitutes) coming to his house, to which he would demand I leave with no warning or reason. I didn’t understand why he would be happy about spending time together, and then all of a sudden demand I leave?! I caught him in some twisted lies regarding this particular subject. I could go into how I knew, but you would have to understand more about the city I live in to understand why the lies were so obvious. The last time he demanded I leave, I broke up with him (for the last time) in a text message. Stupid me still thought he had some ‘humanity’ in him. He would pretend to be depressed, so I would go to his aid to make sure he would be ok. I thought the breakup was hard on him. The only thing hard for him at that point in time was that HE LOST CONTROL OF ME for the most part. I discovered (finally) just how dangerous he really is and wasted no time cutting ALL ties, and making his abuse and stalking VERY public. He’s left me alone (finally) for over a year now. it took some drastic moves on my part, to get him to leave me alone.

      He’d call me, send poetry, emails etc telling me how ‘depressed’ he was. He would make excuses for his behavior, and end everything with “I love you”. He even told me at one point that he refused to allow his love for me, turn to contempt. I fell for that too, sort of, as if he were actually doing me a favor?! though I still knew what I knew to be true. His explanations never made sense to me, because REALITY didn’t coincide with his stories. What really happened didn’t make sense when compared to his Bull shit lies and excuses. Narcissists and psychopaths really aren’t very good at keeping a story straight. They tell so many lies to so many different people…when they screw up the facts to the wrong person, it’s amazing how their inconsistencies will tear off their mask.

      You aren’t crazy to think any of this. The hardest part is remembering the GOOD times, but the echoes of her manipulation, and everything that made the relationship cause you so much anxiety on a regular basis…it doesn’t make sense. The “why’s” never will completely make sense to you (or me), unfortunately. But, it’s ok to still question. You will come to a time that even though it doesn’t make sense, and you can’t explain anything, even to yourself, you will be able to let that go. It won’t make sense and you WILL be ok with that. I promise you, it does get easier! You will find small areas that you are gaining strength in. BE PROUD of YOU during these times! Fight HARD to get rid of her lies to you. Find something that is cute, pretty (like a silly flower or drawing), a neat old house to look at for a second…allow your thoughts to go to THAT, and let it drown out your ex-girlfriends voice. If you think something negative about yourself especially, find something immediately that is positive to draw your attention. you’ll have to force yourself to do this at first. With practice, you’ll notice your demeanor changing. You’ll hear less and less of her lies in your mind. Start with that. Make sure you call one friend you know is good for you, and keep that person close to you. You’ll need their support! Every day gets easier, I promise!!! 😀
      Don’t forget to breathe!!!

      1. Thanks for your reply! 🙂

        I try to spend as much time as posible with some of the friends i have left, but she did a great job isolating me from my old friends.

        As she started to spend more time with my femail friends, and she is very good at manipulation, they are pressuring me into calling her and if i try to explain to them why i can’t call her or talk to her they just can’t believe it (same as i couldn’t when during first 2-3 years)

        There are dose that saw through her instantlly, with most i lost contact so i am trying to connect to those people.

        God i just wish i will never hear of her or see her but unfortunatlly i think my troubles are yet to come..

        Regards!

        1. Michael, I, too, was involved with a person from work. The good thing is we don’t work in the same store. Though he does come to my store on a rare occasion, I don’t really have to see him. His influences are all around me, still. I was afraid of what my co-workers thought of me, but especially afraid of the lies he was still telling them. Then I realized something one day. He was still trying to keep me afraid at work. He was still trying to keep me silent. It worked for a time. I realized that the best thing I could do is let my integrity do the speaking FOR me! I was reaffirming who I knew I was, before he ever came along already. I had to ask myself, “who am I, really?” I knew I had never been paranoid of anyone or anything…so I started just being myself at work. I worked hard, showed my boss that I really was someone he could count on. I enjoyed being around customers and co-workers, even though I had to be careful about what I said to them. My X is very vindictive, and a very skilled manipulator. Now, i know if someone was told the lies about me, they would never believe it! They know me well enough to call b.s. when they hear it. My boss believes in me again. I’m becoming successful in my job, and love the fact that my X knows it too. It’s driving him crazy to know I’m well liked, and not in the least bit, silent anymore!

          Start to be at ease while you are at work. You’ll have to force yourself at first. It doesn’t mean you won’t be afraid. Just know that the ones who choose to believe the lies your ex-girlfriend is telling them, were never your true friends to begin with. If they are your co-workers, that just tells you who you can trust. The realization is painful, I can tell you, but as you fall into your own life, it gets easier. The place I was most afraid in, in the beginning, is now the place I feel most at home in. At work.

          Have you talked to your manager or boss about this, yet? It’s important to let him/her know what is going on, and that your ex-girlfriend is not who she pretends to be. It’s up to you how much you tell your boss. Just let him/her know about the situation. It might be that they will support you in keeping you both apart for now. It’s not an easy situation, but it isn’t one that will keep you from succeeding. Your troubles are actually over, now. She can’t hurt you anymore. you are free to be yourself again, even though that’s a hard thing to begin. You can take this time to reinvent yourself (my friend told me this in the beginning), you choose what you like about yourself and don’t like. You keep those things you want to keep, and discard the rest. Even though I didn’t fully understand this, or how to go about it, it was actually the best thing anyone could have ever told me. I’ve never forgotten it.

          1. Reading your reply i found the key words that are the same in both of our situations, so there is no big difference between male/female psycopath’s.

            “I was afraid of what my co-workers thought of me”, “afraid of the lies”,”keep me silent”…

            It’s not just about me anymore, but she met a lot of good people through me (i was extremely social person) that she is still manipulating over, not just making up trash about me but is using them for her goals (better position at work, loans..)

            My boss told me: Now every brake up hurts, yea, yea we all talk worst about our exes, but you still shudent have done this and that to her…a i was like what???I never done it! But she told him a lot of things with tears and normal men fall for it, i did to…

            Ahhhh it’s gona be a long road… 🙂

            I think i remembered who i was before i met her

          2. The best thing I can tell you about work is to make sure you hold your head high. Don’t let her see or hear that she’s affected you negatively in any way. Her strength comes from ‘knowing’ she’s hurt you. There will be those that believe her lies. Don’t let that bother you, even though it will. There will also be people that already know her for who she is. They probably won’t come to you and tell you that, though. Be the best ‘you’ that you possibly can. Don’t bad-mouth her to co-workers, especially while you are at work. Someone in management NEEDS to listen to you! I was lucky in that. My store manager didn’t believe me, but my HR manager DID! It also helped that I had an emergency restraining order placed on mine, after the break up. That one didn’t stick, though, as he was able to manipulate me into responding to him throughout the relationship, and even each time I tried to break up with him. BUT the fact that the emergency, temporary one went to HIS boss as well as mine led everyone to know something was up! They took a second look at him and his behavior. Small victory.

            Fight to gain your life back. It will get better at work. It’s painful and excruciating at first. It took me MONTHS (maybe even a solid year) of going through the motions before my efforts finally paid off. I still know the monster (my x) is still the same person, and no less dangerous. That is still in my mind while I’m there. He’ll jump on ANY opportunity to cause me to lose my job. Even if he can only twist the story to use it. You know your ex-girlfriend better than anyone. You know what and who she is. Use that to protect yourself from her, but don’t give her any power over you at work. Its important that you start ‘being’ who you are…who you were before she ever came along.

            I’m sorry you have had to go through this!! It’s a long road to healing, but it’s doable and every accomplishment is beautiful!

      1. Thank you, i hope that my posts will help someone in the similar situation to react faster and not to wait till psychos totally cut you of from the rest of the world…

        And thanks for yours support! 🙂

        1. Thank you for your comments, Michael. Unfortunately there isn’t very much information out there, that would warn people. It’s the survivor’s stories that, I believe, will be most beneficial. The only thing I hope is that someday this won’t be an ‘ignored’ type of abuse. Psychopaths aren’t just in the movies. They aren’t all serial killers and rapists. It’s been a pleasure talking with you. I’ve tried to find your blog and haven’t been able to find one. If you haven’t already, I would recommend starting your own. We need more men to tell their stories, too.

  10. I recently discovered the real woman (or thing I guess) behind the mask, who I was with for over a year. What’s even harder to believe is that she hid behind the mask of a devout Christian/Catholic, of which is one of the reasons I pursued her with great intent of having a real relationship – moving forward with building a relationship with her kids and trying to serve, as best as I could, as a positive, engaged and connected model of a man to their kids – whom struggled with abandonment from their dad. Ultimately, after seeing how compartmentalized she was with them – I am sad to say that I think they have a dual dose of emotional unavailability and have started to show very similar N traits themselves. (this really hurts my heart to see) 😦

    The process of moving through the trauma and cognitive dissonance (that which who she projected to be, being a stark difference of who she really is) is so difficult, but I am trying (and struggling) everyday to get to place of forgiveness and compassion. They is no other word to describe the betrayal and lies, but evil – but in knowing more about the disorder, I don’t like using that word. Nonetheless, there are so many men affected by women like this and the trauma is no different than anyone else who experience such shock.

    Thank you for starting your blog and for inviting men to participate. Through our common pain, we can be united in bringing this toxic issue to more awareness and inform others about the truth. And as a result – my hope is that we create a united front of truth seekers, so that the hidden and deceivers of the world are not able to hide, and therefore bring more chance of them changing their apathetic, weak and manipulative ways.

    1. Hi Bartus 🙂 I used to believe that everyone who considered themselves religious ie: A Christian, were god-fearing people whom we could trust without question. Wrong. The fact as it is, is so many of these individuals use it as a smoke-screen (not everyone, though). It’s heartbreaking when the one we believe in so very much, becomes that wolf in sheep’s clothing. They hide out in the open, counting on the trust that we blindly give them, “just because”.

      In the past few years, I have seen a connection between these individual’s “disorders”, and ongoing abuse by their parents when they were children. Some, however, are born “that” way. It still doesn’t make what that person has done to us, excusable or understandable in any sense of the word. In either case, they CHOSE to use, abuse, manipulate, and bait us into reacting the way they want. It’s a malicious choice on their part, having nothing to do with us, other than the fact that we were targeted by them. You didn’t cause it. You were, however, emotionally and psychologically raped. It’s so hard to even fathom, I know.

      Can I make a suggestion? (assuming your answer is yes :)) It’s always a good thing to try and forgive, and find compassion for these individuals, but please don’t force yourself to do so, just yet. It’s alright to be angry at her for what she has done. The anger you will feel is a very natural response to what you have been through.

      You sound like a wonderful, naturally empathetic person. Believe it or not, those qualities are a strength! Hang in there, Bartus… I promise that, though it will take time, you will begin to get stronger by the day. Your confidence has most likely been trampled. Start doing things to rebuild your confidence, right away. Remember who you are as a person, and those things about you that you were proud of, before she came into your life. Thank you for reaching out and helping spread the word 🙂

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