Compassionate human beings, are we…(thank you Yoda! lol!). They beg for forgiveness, we forgive. It’s a good cycle, generally. When it pertains to a psychopath, it’s the WORST thing you can do!!!

When I tried to break up with my X (before I truly realized just WHAT he is), he sent me a 4-page email, telling me how depressed he was, and used that as an excuse for all the tormenting, following, ignoring, etc..that he had done. He (this is SICK) actually told me that he talked to my deceased father, to apologize for mistreating me. It was all an act..all the way down to the tears he showed. Keep in mind, psychopaths are INCAPABLE of feeling emotion!!! They mimic what they have seen, as it pertains to seeing whatever sick con-game through, that they view as necessary.

I remember a time that I was at his house. He and I were watching a movie when he got the call. The voice on the answering machine said “Mom and [step-dad] have been in a car accident…they are at [the] hospital, pretty banged up…” We were sitting less than 10 feet away from the phone. He just sat there. I told him, thinking the reason for the non-reaction COULD possibly be because he didn’t want to offend me (excuses), “It’s ok if you want to call…you aren’t going to bother me in the least!”. His reply?? “Oh, it’s just more emotionalism and drama” and he didn’t move a muscle or show any type of concern. Then all of a sudden, a few weeks later, pulls out the “I’m depressed” card. Something I learned about him…he uses the victim role to gain people’s trust…to make them believe his lies…it’s a cover-up.

I’ve tried, begged, and longed for the ability to HATE HIM!! The thing is, I’m completely unable to hate him… In order to do so, first I have to view the “person” as HUMAN. Fact is, I don’t. He’s not human, doesn’t show any human characteristics…only those that are part of his twisted facade, which he uses with cunning skill…like a lion after a small calf.

When I chose to give him another chance, it gave him more ability to find other things about me (I openly told him several things) that he could use as fuel to keep me teetering, and use against me to “prove” his integrity in the relationship to others. What a F***ed up individual!

peace

Phoenix Rising

If you have been looking for permission to NOT forgive the psychopath/narcissist/Cluster B personality type/ASPD person in your life, then I hereby grant that permission to you.

It is OK to NOT FORGIVE.

In many religious upbringings, we have been taught that forgiveness is morally required of us.

I grew up Catholic and my attitudes about forgiveness were based in Matthew 18: 21-23:

21Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?

 22Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.”

I am convinced that the only reason that Jesus ever said such a thing is that he NEVER encountered anyone with Anti Social Personality Disorder or any other Cluster B Personality Type!

Forgiving the person in my life…

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4 thoughts on “

  1. When I read “Toxic Parents” by Dr. Sharon Forward (I haven’t finished it yet, as I only manage to read a few paragraphs at a time, needing to stop and think) I was gobsmacked when she stated that you didn’t have to forgive, and you certainly shouldn’t forget. Wait, what? Really? Then I read her explanation, and it all made sense. It opened the door to being able to say, “I don’t have to love my abuser either.” Funnily enough, it made it easier to let go of the anger and bitterness. I needed the reminder, today. Thanks.

    1. This affected me as well, in much the same way. I was brought up to be forgiving and understanding. I felt compelled to forgive someone, when that person came to me with the appearance that they were truly sorry. Tears helped prod me along toward the forgiveness process. I felt guilty if I didn’t. My X discovered this trait of mine from the beginning. He used it, cunningly, to keep me off balance. It was a weakness (he saw it that way, and he was right) that he quickly honed in on, and exploited for his own sick gratification…I’ve heard psychopaths referred to as, psychological vampires…couldn’t be more accurate, in my book!

      I forgave…he used that as another tool to: prove whatever he wanted, use me, rip me apart from my soul… It was shocking when I originally read the idea. “What do you mean, ‘don’t forgive’ and ‘it’s ok’? But, you know what? Same thing happened to me that happened to you. I was able to begin the process of becoming indifferent.

      My hardest obstacle in all of this has been the fact that I couldn’t understand the “man” (Lord, can I use that term more loosely?!) he is. I couldn’t make sense of what had happened to me…all of the lies he told, and the realization I had of the type of person he is. I would hear myself try to explain what he did, and at the same time realized how unbelievable it all sounded! I sounded crazy and confused!! Then I tried to make sense of it again…”did it actually happen that way?” “Are my memories of this past year, actually confused ramblings of a compromised psychological state? Then I realized…everything I was battling was nothing but ALL of the echos of EVERYTHING he said to me!! He got IN! Hate? I hate what happened, and what is left of me. I hate that he is still spinning his lies and cons, while everyone around him is believing him!!! If they would just take some time to pay attention to the swill of shit that comes out of his mouth, they WILL see him for what he is! They WILL hear the contradictions oozing out of his focal orifice and, like me, will experience their skin crawling at the realization. As good as he is at using natural human tendencies against the people around him, he isn’t that great at keeping his story straight, or covering his tracks when he tries to manipulate someone into responding in the way he’s needing them to. He pushes too hard, talks too much, and is revealed by the light-less shadow he is! The chances of them coming to the realization? Slim. I think a person really has to spend a lot of time with the psychopath, in order to understand fully. In passing, or in a work-related environment…well…that’s a different story. I have to be ok with that. I am a little bit, but not completely. Forgive? that goes hand in hand with Hate…First, the monster has to be human. He’s not. Never will I forgive him, nor can I hate him. I fear him, fully. But in that fear, if it should come to the need…I WILL fight!

      I was talking to my brother yesterday about everything…his eyes got wide…”someone still has scars, don’t they?”…he was being demeaning. Not caring. But non-the-less…he’s right. The scars are still there.

      I’m still fighting in some areas. Please forgive me.

  2. Pingback: How much of a second chance | 3bean

  3. Pingback: These days…”X” vs: ‘ex’ « My journey of healing from psychological abuse

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