Each stage of my healing process is unpredictable. I’m hitting a new one today…
Living next door to where my psychopath-monster X works, seeing his car less than 500 feet away from my home, has proven to be quite nerve-wracking. I’ve made sure where he was when I had to leave for work. If he was outside, I hid around the corner until I saw him go in the building. I’ve dreamed of the day that I didn’t have to see something relating to him on a daily basis. Here’s the twist, which I didn’t think about until today…AT LEAST I KNEW WHERE HE WAS!!
He hasn’t been at work for the past 3 days. I don’t know if he’s been transferred to a different store in the area, or moved to a different city all together, as he said he wanted to do in the past. The fact that I don’t know where he is right now, is causing me to go through a lot of anxiety again. It’s reminiscent of the past year, waiting for that proverbial bomb.
I never realized how I felt safe as things had been…until now. Not knowing where he is, coupled by the person I know him to be, is causing me a LOT of fear! I learned the man has absolutely NO limits, in what he can or will do. No conscience, very manipulative, and calculatedly conning. Every lie he tells is a calculated means to an end, which he chooses very carefully. I don’t (nor will I ever) understand the whys behind his cons..all I know is he is full of them, and lies either to manipulate others into being pawns or to cover up his steps. His calculated evilness, is all I know. I had caught him in several cover-up attempts, though I never fully knew what his con was at every turn.
Now, I don’t know where the monster is! One step forward, Two steps back…I hope I don’t lose it today.