A little uneasy today…

Each stage of my healing process is unpredictable. I’m hitting a new one today…

Living next door to where my psychopath-monster X works, seeing his car less than 500 feet away from my home, has proven to be quite nerve-wracking. I’ve made sure where he was when I had to leave for work. If he was outside, I hid around the corner until I saw him go in the building. I’ve dreamed of the day that I didn’t have to see something relating to him on a daily basis. Here’s the twist, which I didn’t think about until today…AT LEAST I KNEW WHERE HE WAS!!

He hasn’t been at work for the past 3 days. I don’t know if he’s been transferred to a different store in the area, or moved to a different city all together, as he said he wanted to do in the past. The fact that I don’t know where he is right now, is causing me to go through a lot of anxiety again. It’s reminiscent of the past year, waiting for that proverbial bomb.

I never realized how I felt safe as things had been…until now. Not knowing where he is, coupled by the person I know him to be, is causing me a LOT of fear! I learned the man has absolutely NO limits, in what he can or will do. No conscience, very manipulative, and calculatedly conning. Every lie he tells is a calculated means to an end, which he chooses very carefully. I don’t (nor will I ever) understand the whys behind his cons..all I know is he is full of them, and lies either to manipulate others into being pawns or to cover up his steps. His calculated evilness, is all I know. I had caught him in several cover-up attempts, though I never fully knew what his con was at every turn.

Now, I don’t know where the monster is! One step forward, Two steps back…I hope I don’t lose it today.

 

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4 thoughts on “A little uneasy today…

  1. It’s tough. Sad to be the one who has to change so much in order to avoid the person causing the problems. Praying for peace and safety for you.

    1. Thank you Judy. I didn’t realize how much fear was still inside of me. Amazing how he’s made me out to be the monster…and yet I’m the one hiding. I appreciate you and those I’ve found, here.

  2. I don’t fear for myself as much as I fear for the people who remain in my ex-monster’s life. I hope you figure out where he is, if only to bring you peace of mind.

    1. Paula, I appreciate your thoughts 🙂 I do worry about the people around him, because they are playing right into his plans, unknowingly,…either regarding them, or being used in another way. More than any of his work-mates, I REALLY worry about his new girlfriend. But, as it stands, I’m trying to move forward in an indifferent view-point as it pertains to him. I will be equally disappointed if he shows up at his store again. Not knowing where he is will take some getting used to. I’ll just have to trust that his fear of exposure will keep him away from me entirely. I just have to keep trying to get to a point that I just DON’T care.

      I was talking with a friend today about this…”If it turns out that he’s moved away entirely, you can expect one rip-roaring party as a result!” lol! I’ll take up heavy drinking for a weekend, just to purge all of his influence! (I can’t even pretend to be a heavy drinker) I’ll be scared for a while, but the relief I’d feel would be wonderful!

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