In reading about Psychopaths and their victim’s stories, I have come to the conclusion that, though my X monster IS a psychopath, he falls in a rarer (I think this to be the case, though I’m not certain) category of Psychopath. I have studied several profile types. One of the differences I have come across is that most psychopath/narcissists tend to lie spontaneously, without much for-thought or goal. They tend to be chronic liars. Mine, though he sometimes did lie without much for-thought (as it seemed)…the majority of the time it was with a predetermined purpose. He constantly schemes against people, or to further his own stories. It’s usually within the guise of a coverup, that he lies. The worst of these, was telling a fact about himself that, to a normal individual, would be shocking and a potential “deal breaker” in the scenario of a new relationship. At first he tried to show himself as a caring individual who didn’t want to hurt someone by withholding the truth. What I learned later, is that he would never openly admit to ANYTHING that would make himself look bad…except to avoid detection in a more detrimental, bigger scale. This one has me a little fearful.
He’s a patient schemer, who understands human reactions to general things and can manipulate others by exploiting their own human tendencies. Here’s one method he uses: If you want to be trusted (though you aren’t trustworthy), tell something about yourself, appearing to be for the protection or in the best interests of the other…then the listener (partner) won’t believe you are anything but a selfless caring individual, who CAN be trusted. The subjected person won’t listen or look for the “bigger” picture (Why would we? Afterall, he’s being completely honest about his worst, now…). We believe what we see…at first. Boy, did I learn my lesson there! I learned that he was dangerous at that point in time, though I really didn’t understand HOW dangerous until later on. He used this with great patience and skill. He’s good at his game.
It has been suggested that Psychopaths/narcissists/sociopaths don’t or can’t understand that what they are doing is wrong. That they believe their lies… I have come to believe through my experience, that the only lies they believe are the ones made up in their paranoid psyches. their delusions. The reason for their scheming and conniving…the reason for the “tit-for-tat” games, and stalking behavior.. Their pathological distrust of everyone around them. If mine didn’t know that what he was doing/causing was grossly WRONG, then why the need for such elaborate attempts at hiding the truth? Why would he need to manipulate everyone around him to believe an altered reality…an absolute LIE, at his choosing and implementation? Why would he take literally MONTHS to plan and scheme each move and manipulation, if he didn’t already know he was being sneaky and underhanded?? He knows what he’s doing, he knows it’s wrong, he knows the damage he’s inflicting and just doesn’t care! He thinks he’s entitled to inflict such damaging, because…after all… ultimately, no-one can be trusted…except himself. Kind of a bizarre twist, isn’t it? Calculatedly evil individual. I will never call him “human”.
Another tool he uses to gain access to whatever he needs to form his theories, which he defends at all costs, is search engines over the internet. He combs all avenues of the internet, searching for anything to prove his delusions are correct…that the reason for the distrust is viable. He thinks it, therefore it is… I knew (after he told me) he searched for information about me, prior to asking me out. I thought at the time that it was to make sure I wasn’t some x-con or something. A legitimate reason. The thing I didn’t realize is it didn’t stop there. He continued unwaveringly. For everything he thought he found, which he twisted to “prove” his story. he expected answers. The truth wasn’t good enough. the fact that the information he found had nothing to do with him, and happened (or what-have-you) YEARS prior to meeting, wasn’t good enough. the badgering began, and continued. He stalked my family’s pages, friends, etc. looking for any information which could be manipulated for his abuse of me. It never stopped. I learned that this is considered being a Cyberpath. it isn’t limited to online relationships, but includes someone who obsessively searches every possible corner of cyber-space, in order to intimidate, frighten, control, or harm…etc… . He went so far as to try to convince me that he was very ignorant in his knowledge of the computer and the internet, in the beginning. Why? So I would trust that he couldn’t and wouldn’t stalk me in that way. This behavior only fueled other behaviors.
I suppose I’m writing this all, so you can understand that not all psychopaths fit inside a neatly formed mold. This one isn’t of the “norm”…at least of that which I have come to understand is the “norm”. For more information about Cyberpaths, I have included a link. Quite an interesting research topic. I didn’t know there was a name for this behavior, either. I have learned much more than I ever wanted to or thought there was need for. Without him, I wouldn’t have known an individual LIKE him, could have possibly existed.
I believe he came into our relationship as a scheme, in and of itself. I will never understand why his need to manipulate and con me from the absolute beginning. it’s as if this type of scenario is needed for him to fill some sort of gratification. One drops out, and he chooses another subject for the same scenario/game. I still don’t get it. It just doesn’t make sense. He didn’t want or need our relationship, or me as a real person…he needed to re-play the scenario for his own gratification. I was a pawn in his game. This type of thinking of his, is why i believe he’s capable of serial rape or even murderous tendencies.
Please use caution when trying to put this type of sick/twisted individual into a neatly packaged mold. You just might not come out of it…