Certain things I’ve found to be helpful…

I’ve mentioned before about some of the past abuses I have been through (maybe it was in a comment). I discovered the tool of writing, by accident. I was still having some problems with memories of what I had endured as a child. I was lucky enough to have quite a lot of time at my disposal when I was young, in order to be able to write in private. I began writing. It was VERY hard to start…I was afraid of doing it wrong. No kidding! I had to convince myself that there is no wrong way to write when it’s for your own benefit. Once I started, I at first started with “this is stupid”, “I have nothing to say” and the like. Soon it evolved into recognizing which emotions I was feeling at the time, which were compelling me to write. “Anger”…then I would describe why i was angry. “Sad” and “afraid”…this was usually sparked by one of “those” memories…so, {gulp} I started writing those memories. Within the first sentence or so, I found myself reliving the event…to a point. There were the familiar tears and trembling that had been my lot to carry. They began to surface as I wrote each word. I wrote until I absolutely couldn’t anymore. I would put the pen down, dry my eyes, and pray. I needed a hug from someone but I had no one I could talk to, except God, about everything. Once that memory was on paper, I was terrified to read it again, so I took the paper outside and burned it. Wow! I had power over that memory!! The more I exercised the journaling (for lack of a better term) process, the easier and more empowering it became. Once I was no longer afraid of those memories, it became easier to write others. I stopped being afraid to face them, somewhere along the line, which is what has given me the ability to write about my experiences in a public blog.

I have been talking with another wordpressian who is finding it difficult to start writing. In talking with that person, I realized that others might be finding it to be equally difficult to begin. All you know is you are being compelled to do so, by something in your soul (or what have you). I wanted to mention this, because it has been a great help to me throughout my life. Let me warn you though, it is a painful process and may take practice to be able to finally face those scary events and feelings. Once you get past the fears associated with it, I believe you will find it to be a great psychological and emotional cleansing experience. Depending on the subject you write about, as well as the emotions (fear, pain, anxiety, hatred, etc), you may find it helpful to burn what you write. Of course you would have to write on paper to do this, no matter how much you might find it enjoyable to watch your computer go up in smoke! lol!!

Another one I found (of course not all have this option), is spending time in a secluded nature spot, with something you find relaxing and enjoyable. At one time, for me, this was walking our 4 goats around our 5 acre property. It was secluded with lots of trees. The goats were friendly and playful, which made me laugh. I enjoyed walking with them, or sitting with them, being alone with my thoughts. They acted like a sort of buffer for me, in order to be as strong as I needed to be. I got a much-needed peaceful moment, and brain break. These days, I have to plan for such times. when I do, it’s usually a favorite campground that I can “day camp” in. For you, it could be anything…a bath, scented candles and a good (or not so good) book. I recommend keeping those times as positive as possible. Stay positive when going back to your regular routine. This is important! You will become stronger each day.  These rejuvenation times are to strengthen you and allow you to spoil yourself. When you finally have had enough for one day, you will feel rejuvenated. Yes, you deserve it! Yes, it’s OK to treat yourself to something wonderful. It doesn’t have to mean spending money, either. Nature provides much of what we need, as humans. Too bad we can’t “cue” the wildlife to show up when we want them to! 😀

Listening to music might be helpful for some…for me, it’s not a good idea. If I am already in an emotional/psychological tail spin, I CANNOT listen to music! I can feel each emotion in the notes, and when I am having a whirlwind day, the emotions in song become accentuated and concentrated. I need to have my “me” time, first.

If you are feeling as though you are in a whirlwind…THIS is the time to drop whatever you are doing, and get a brain break…even if only for a few minutes. PLAN to get away for a few hours in the very near future (if you are unable to just go), and KEEP THIS APPOINTMENT! You need time to just “be” for a while.

These are just a few things that have helped me through the years in dealing with my own memories. I’m having to relearn how to take this time, again. Living through an existence with a psychological vampire is HORRENDOUSLY draining. It leaves us drained and zapped of everything we REQUIRE to feel alive and not disjointed. I’ve heard our experiences described as “psychological/emotional rape”. Couldn’t be more accurate. We all need tools at our disposal which we can pull out at will, to help us regain some much-needed peace, confidence, and to finally feel in touch with ourselves.  Even for a short while, these tools (above) will allow us time to rekindle what we need at the time…whatever that might be. Each person will experience something different. Be sure you have someone to talk to during the writing process…for me, I was only able to write. I had no one else but God, and my pen. if you don’t feel safe talking to someone, PRAY! Above all, Don’t be afraid to cry.

I wish you all peace today.

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3 thoughts on “Certain things I’ve found to be helpful…

  1. I’ve been struggling, this week, and various things that have come my way, today, all hinted to exactly what you’ve written here. Now, to create a workable plan and follow through. Thank you!

    1. Your welcome, Judy! I needed a reminder too, which is why I think I was drawn to begin talking with the other blogger. The difficult thing is the follow through. I have a tendency to let life get in the way. Most things can wait… 😀

  2. Pingback: Struggling… « The Project: Me by Judy

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