Yesterday I had a meeting with my boss from job #2. He, his sister and myself talked about a new contract and my role in it. We talked about another person who will be working with us, and he mentioned that he doesn’t feel hopeful about this person…he didn’t want her working with us, but it wasn’t his call. His sister (co-owner of the business) hired her. This lead into the next phase of the discussion…
He said, “to be perfectly honest, I’m worried about working with YOU.” then proceeded to explain why. A woman I work with is known for being a back-stabbing, gossip monger. She’s my age and gossips like kids do in junior high/middle school. She doesn’t care if the information is true, untrue, etc..only if it’s juicy and will hurt someone else. Apparently she walked up to my 2nd boss (They have had a contract for janitorial work at the original company I work for) and volunteered some information that she said “I think you should be aware of this…just looking out for you”. She told him that I have filed sexual harassment charges against 3 people. One was against a co-worker, one was against someone I worked with at a previous job (she told him the NAME of the business) that I worked at prior to being hired at my present company (job #1) and the third she wasn’t sure about. I about came unglued!!! This is where I go back in time a bit…before the end of my hell…before I made my steps to get away from the monster…
It was within the first 6 months of being employed by my current company. I delivered to one of the area stores within the company. When delivering, I had to walk into the store and pick up any transfers to other stores that I delivered to. I had been seeing my X for a relatively short time, though it was enough time to start effecting me psychologically and emotionally. I had delivered to this particular store a few times already, and had noticed one older man staring at me the entire time I was there (only a matter of a minute or 2) from across the room. I was still learning my position. The 2 times this individual decided to talk to me, he was condescending and rude. I decided I didn’t like him. Soon after, I took this same route, and he followed me out to my vehicle…watching me…on my way back into that store he said, “can I say something without offending you?” To that I replied, “I don’t know…probably not.” He said, “Lord you make those jeans look good!” I looked at him, absolutely FUMING, and said, “yep, that about does it” and left.
When I got back to my home store, I started ranting and raving about this asshole, the audacity he showed in making that comment in the first place, especially when he’d only been rude each time prior. Yeah, he pissed me off. As a result, management got involved and filed a formal sexual harassment case against him, on my behalf. He got into trouble and was moved back to the home store. I didn’t intend to get him into trouble…he just made me SOO ANGRY, and I was over the top. I just wanted to get it off my chest. Had I been in different circumstances, not being manipulated and stalked by my ‘boy’ friend and being anxious as a result…that would never have happened. But, I made the mistake and I own what happened.
Of course I told my monster about it. He said things to me about it, that made me think he didn’t believe me, and that I was wrong…that he looked down on me for it. Later he said he was “proud of me” for standing up for myself. I deserved to be angry. The guy WAS wrong, but my reaction to it caused him to get into trouble. Not my choice, but I didn’t stop it either.
A little later I was moved to that same store that I had previously delivered to. It just so happened (I became an in-store delivery person) that one of the accounts I delivered to, was the gas station I had worked for, for about a year and a half. I knew everyone there. I was at least pleasant acquaintances with everyone there, though there was one person I wasn’t particularly fond of. I delivered to that gas station one day, and one of the mechanics snapped me in the rear with a towel. Nothing major. The guy that did it just happened to be the one I didn’t particularly like. It made me uncomfortable, only because of who it was, but I took it exactly how I should have. A momentary “pick on you” time…not meant to be offensive. I called him an ass, and walked away, snickering. Yep, I told the monster about that one, too.
Not long after this, I realized that ANY information I told him, regardless of how innocent the information was, became fuel for his manipulative rants, and fuel for gas-lighting. He used it to…well you know…
Immediately after telling him about my day, he got irritated and asked me if I talked to the store manager (at the gas station) about it, “That was blatant sexual harassment” and “If you DON’T talk to the manager(s) there about it and complain, I will lose ALL respect for you! Especially after you got (so n so) into trouble!” I reassured him that I would talk to someone about it, without any intention of doing so…EVER. He was mad, I wasn’t. I thought that would be the end of it… Nope.
A few days went by and my monster let me know that he went to the sales rep that took care of the gas station, and talked to him about the situation that happened (WHAT situation?!). The sales rep is also the reason I got hired by the company I’m with now. He got me the job. He’s a sales rep for that company. The sales rep and I met while I was working for the gas station. He loved my report with the customers and work mates. He believed in me, and believed I would be a great addition to the company he represents. Yep, I told my X about that, too. My X told him that I SAID I was really angry about what the mechanic did, and that I was threatening to stop delivering to that gas station unless something was done. My monster said it…went behind my back to do it. It made me angry, because he MADE ME LOOK BAD to every one there. I started to recognize the scheme he was setting up. It was a blatant LIE that he told. “She SAID”. Who would question? I was his girlfriend. I realized that with this lie, he would probably try to make me out to be someone who cried “WOLF” at any opportunity. I told my daughter about my suspicions, then. I also told my best friend, and best guy friend, immediately after it all happened.
Then the final exodus…the shit that hit the fan…his veil of garbage became transparent to me, and I made it out…somewhat alive, though wounded. Still, I knew it wasn’t over. He was still hooked on the ‘tit-for-tat’ games. He has to come out on top, no matter the cost to ANYONE else. He had his ammo lined out, ready to use at the opportune moment. The woman who is the 12-year-old, in a 45-year-old woman’s body…the back stabber… became his pawn.
On my way home from the meeting yesterday, I began to mull over the information I was given. Then it dawned on me…the ONLY way she could have known about anything having to do with the gas-station scenario, is if my X-MONSTER was feeding her the information…knowing she is who she is. What a better tool to use, than someone who doesn’t mind hurting others for her own gain? His plan…the one he put into place a year ago, is finally being played out. It’s probably been going on for a while. This is just the first time I’ve heard about it. He told her that I turned my ex-coworker in for sexual harassment, knowing she would go back and spread HIS LIES for him, to undermine MY integrity as an employee and a person. What a perfect little tool she’s turned into. I have to see her tomorrow…
Now, the small victory…
Up until now, everything I have admitted to anyone about the monster I met and our relationship was still hard to believe, for anyone…though my friends know me…they know me better than I know myself. They believed me and what I told them, though it was still hard for them to fathom.
My best guy-friend was waiting for me at my house, while I was at the meeting. He’s also the first one I told about what was going on, really. The first one I told about the monster I had encountered, and his manipulative/conniving nature. About his cruelty.
I came home, still fuming over the information I had just learned. Upset that the con-game was in full swing, and the woman I work closely with is his chosen mode of expression. I don’t feel sorry for her, though. It just plays into the person she is, already. My friend remembered everything I said to him, at that time…when my X was lining out his arsenal to discredit me “just in case” I saw him for what he IS. My friend is now, awe-struck. Now he sees it for himself.
In a small way, the veil that my X has tried so painstakingly to protect, is being removed…ever so slightly.
I definitely have GOT to talk to this woman. I’m debating on taking it to management as well, as I warned my HR manager of my suspicions when I originally took the situation to him, last summer. He was aware of my X’s potential, and of the things I believed would come up, from him. He’s aware, though I don’t know if he’ll remember what I said.
I am soo grateful that my 2nd boss decided to verify the information with me, before acting on it. I called him later to tell him where the woman was getting her information. During the meeting when the information was first divulged to me, I told him the truth. I also admitted what had happened with the man that was at the other store (not the gas station), and the sexual harassment charges, and how I played a significant role in that. I also let him know that I talked with that man, and I will stand to my grave on the fact that he’s a good man. He’s caring and a VERY good employee. He made a mistake that I over reacted, regarding his comments. I deserved and had a right to be angry. I was wrong in my reaction. That man and I are for all intents and purposes, friends.
I can’t begin to express how harmful gossip is. that’ll have to be another post. This one is far long enough.
I’m a little stuck, here. Any advice would be welcomed. How do I deal with this?