Brainwashing and battering fatigue. Psycho… [N C Med J. 2000 Sep-Oct] – PubMed – NCBI

I, too, was thinking that the only way out was suicide. I went so far as to start planning. I saw no way out at the time…but then something changed. I looked at other options and angles. I didn’t know which direction was the right one, so I just ‘moved’ my feet. The rest is history, as they say.

At the end of my relationship with the monster, I recognized, in his panic, his attempts at quickly trying to get me to accept a new line of thinking. He failed in this. I already recognized the need to run away from him. These attempts only solidified my fear of him, more.

I recognized the final stage of brainwashing, coming out of his mouth. He didn’t count on the fact that I had already taken steps to separate myself from him, emotionally. He didn’t count on me running away from him before he had the chance to finalize my new “brain”. He didn’t count on losing. F*** him.

This perfectly describes this, as well as the tactics that were used against me, and many of YOU who are in this with me. Recognize anything?


Brainwashing and battering fatigue. Psycho… [N C Med J. 2000 Sep-Oct] – PubMed – NCBI.


16 thoughts on “Brainwashing and battering fatigue. Psycho… [N C Med J. 2000 Sep-Oct] – PubMed – NCBI

  1. Years ago I was in an abusive marriage and very often heard the words “your thinking is wrong.” Coupled with the physical violence it really does undermine everything you thought you were. Thankfully I left it, received help in sorting myself out and puting myself back together again. It’s been a very long process and I’ve found the most valuable thing I did was to begin the extremely hard process of letting go of my own rage. Good article.

    1. Through all of this, I have learned about tactics that I didn’t know existed except through my experience. Here’s an example of one mine used…I still don’t know what to call it: I would describe a repetitive scenario in our relationship to him, and he would get angry and make me accountable (or what-have-you) for whatever he ‘thought’ the ‘real’ situation was that I was talking about. (I know…confusing) “I would try to talk to you about nonsense things, just trying to build a relationship with you and enjoy some fun together, but instead I would get in trouble from you. I learned not to talk to you about anything but sunshine and rainbows”…his response? “Tell me how does a woman your age get ‘into trouble’? What’s trouble in your mind?” Then he would twist EVERYTHING that I said to him. It worked to take me off course and wonder why he would say this? He tried to make me feel insignificant and juvenile…and keep me off balance. This is another tactic of brainwashing.

      Awesome that you were able to get away, and began to sort yourself out! what a pain-staking process! But well worth the battle!! We were already victorious when we walked away 😀

    1. Goober me! lol! I thought this WAS the article. It fit so well that I didn’t think there was any more. Of course, it’s a “medical” article, so it will be lengthy. Are you able to access the full article?

    2. I had tried to find articles about brainwashing in, specifically, the realm of psychological abuse in domestic relationships, but all I was really able to find were pertaining to concentration camps and war. I had read or heard about brainwashing tactics before, long ago, but I wasn’t certain that was what he tried to do to me…which especially showed in the end. I only recognized his panicked and sudden attempts to manipulate me, blatantly, into accepting his version of reality (it set me back when I realized the final days of dealing with him), and it shocked me when I realized that what he was doing was a mirror image of the final stage of brainwashing!! I just needed confirmation that was exactly what he was grooming me for, from the beginning. As I have said, he wasted NO time with his attacks.

      I don’t know why he was so determined to keep me as his girlfriend. All he showed me from the beginning was complete contempt…shrouded in being lavished with gifts, flowers, and “love-like” gestures. I stayed, only because I couldn’t allow myself to believe the obvious. I “knew” I was wrong, though I knew I was right the entire time.

      1. My X did the same. He showered me with gifts and compliments and even paid for our flight to Paris. (I paid for the apartment we rented for 10 days.) I ignored the red flags before the trip. For example, my married name, of course, was on my passport and could NOT be changed until my divorce was final. He INSISTED that it could and should be changed because he did not want my ticket to have my husband’s last name on it. I made every attempt to explain that it could not be done. He kept saying it could be done. I became so frustrated and fatigued (word used by the article) that I literally collapsed. I finally just said, “This is the most silly argument I have ever been involved. You can’t go on a once-in-a-lifetime trip because of my name on my passport? How old are you?” He became enraged. I was dumbfounded. I finally told him to cancel the tickets or use them for someone else. He finally stopped worrying about the name on my passport. It was insane!

        1. You called him on his game, and turned the tables against him when you said, “This is the most silly argument I have ever been involved. You can’t go on a once-in-a-lifetime trip because of my name on my passport? How old are you?” Awesome!! I bet he was enraged by it. It was turned on him! He lost. You won, and I bet you felt a little bit empowered by the fact that you used his tactic against him 😀

          Love it!

        1. OMG!! This absolutely FITS!! All the way down to how I was able to get away. It’s amazing that it mentions “separating themselves emotionally” as a step toward escape. For me, it took months. He initiated the final steps in producing SO MUCH FEAR IN ME, that I had to literally ‘flee’ from him in the end! I’m truly shaken from this article. I’ll repost it. Other’s need to read it! Thanks Paula. Maybe you should repost this entire article too. It’s too important not to.

          1. I’m going to add it to my website list of resources. I am so tired of people failing to understand why women stay. I am tired of being made to feel like I am crazy for “allowing” this to happen to me. This article does an amazing job of explaining why women take so long to leave or never leave or kill their spouses. 🙂

  2. Pingback: Seasonal variations in depression and ost… [J R Coll Gen Pract. 1984] – PubMed – NCBI « Earl's View

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