Page 2… removal of the shroud…

I beat everything around in my head…everything about what I had learned and been made aware of. I thought, stewed, contemplated, schemed, had night-mares (yep, those too) and thought some more about what to do about the con-game my X had finally implemented.

One thing was for sure, I ABSOLUTELY HAD to deal with it. It couldn’t just be swept under the carpet. If I had confronted the woman I work with, I would have definitely been viewed as a trouble maker at work. This would have confirmed (seemingly) the lies my X is spreading.

Nope, couldn’t go “there”. But, he couldn’t be allowed to get away with it either.

I thought about setting her up in a way to cause her fear that she and the lies she is propagating, had been realized, and in turn cause her to be concerned about getting into trouble from management. There again, I would be viewed as someone who is awful.

I thought about the direct approach, and let her know without a doubt that I knew everything. She could go to management about that one too, and (here again) I would be viewed as a trouble-maker, and verify (seemingly) his lies. Too many turns without any concrete direction.

Still, I had to bring it out in the open, somehow. He could not be allowed to absolutely get away with this, but I still had to be EXTREMELY careful about how I dealt with everything.

Any one of these options could have started a war…and I was aware of the potential…

I lined out the problem, which is obvious.

  • The big picture: A carefully planned and implemented scheme to attack my integrity in my job, and among my co-workers..my x’s insatiable need to play out the ‘tit-for-tat’ game.
  • The method of transmission: A bitter “old” woman,  who is an habitual back-stabber and gossip. An easily manipulated ‘pawn’ in his game.
  • My own fears
Now, what I came to realize while trying to come up with the best solution…
  • The REAL picture: I have worked HARD to rebuild myself, and my integrity in my company. Integrity speaks louder than the lies of a Psychopath.
  • Weak minded people, who HAVE no personal integrity, will placate the 2 of them and in turn fail to come to me directly to see if the gossip is valid or not.
  • Those weak-minded people (some of whom claim to be my friend) are absolutely part of the problem, too and NOT my friends.
  • The Psychopath, though he is and has been a definite problem, isn’t the root of the big picture. He just got his plan in motion, though he couldn’t do it himself. He depended on another person’s weakness toward gossip, to get it into full force.
  • The main problem is people who are willing to spread lies without confirmation of truth.
  • The problem is GOSSIP as a whole.

How do I combat the woman? The gossip? By shutting her down at her greatest vulnerability…NEEDING to bad-mouth people, to insure that she still looks good. She really is insecure. First, I have to keep myself in ‘check’ by not allowing or tolerating any gossip being told to me, directly. I decided that if she asks me anything personal…trying to get information…my immediate response will be, “It’s none of your business”. If she wants to talk to ME about others, my response will be, “I don’t want to hear it”. It’ll be direct and pointed, and leave no question. One thing IS certain…it WILL make her angry, and she will probably take it to management. Here’s the thing…I already alerted “management” of how I intend to handle this, with her. He already knows.

It can’t just stop with her. I have to painstakingly fight against gossip getting to my ears, and in turn REFUSE to be part of the problem, by allowing it in the first place…even if only to be cordial. I cannot allow myself to talk about anyone else…bad OR good. I don’t normally, anyway…though I HAVE, only to express my displeasure with how a person treated me. After all…if the person I’m talking to, isn’t directly involved, it’s still gossip.

This side of the gossip-chain, ends with ME!

The person my monster chose to exploit and propagate this lie, has been manipulated to believe the same lie. He chose to exploit her greatest weakness…her insecurities and inability to refrain from gossip or tearing others down to make herself  look better. She’s still his pawn, and a willing participant. I still don’t feel sorry for her.

I know I have to shut her down directly, without harming anyone in the meantime, or turn ANY eyes on me or the perpetrators. Except for one person’s…My HR Manager.

I went in to work early today, in order to talk with him about the situation. I explained everything to him…how it all started…reminded him of the scheme I suspected last summer. I told him it’s happening now. I also told him I don’t want to get anyone into trouble, but I thought he should be aware of it. I talked with him last summer, about my X and the monster he is. He believed me then, though only to the best of his ability…without experiencing it himself. He understands how this all played out and why my X has chosen NOW to do it. He asked me what I wanted to see done about this. I actually told him, “nothing…it’s just something you needed to be aware of”. I reminded him that I learned how to predict his potential schemes, and also learned to think like him.

Somehow, it got around to where I’m still living, and my HR Manager asked me how that was going. I told him I’m still afraid to walk to my car for work, and have to be sure where my X is when I do. I also said it’s getting easier for me to deal with. He asked if my X has been leaving me alone. I told him that, except for implementing this scheme, he hasn’t talked to me or approached me in any way, since filing the restraining order last summer. He was glad to hear that.

I can’t express how damaging gossip can be. I can’t express how childish and mindless it is. Grown intelligent adults are supposed to be beyond gossip, and should never tolerate it. We get lazy. We are afraid of making someone mad, by telling them you want no part of their gossip. It’s easier to remain “cordial”, or to succumb to the desire to bad-mouth someone else, ourselves. Refusal to conform to this, isn’t being self-righteous in any way…it’s drawing solid boundaries, and growing into better members of this race we call,

“HUMAN”…

Thanks to you for all of your encouragement, and advice.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Page 2… removal of the shroud…

  1. As long as you remain focused on your job and do your work at the standards (or higher) that you have been, no lies or gossip will hold water. However, if the lies and the knowledge of the lies affect your ability or your co-workers’ ability to work efficiently and up to par, I would ask HR to send out an email reminding EVERYONE about what type of behavior among co-workers is considered harrassment. Many companies include malicious gossip and bullying in their harrassment policy. 🙂

    1. It just so happens that our company’s policy DOES include malicious gossip and bullying! I’ve made management aware..it’s up to him, how he handles it from here. I really don’t think I could have handled this situation any better.

      His choice to implement this scheme is two-fold: 1) He believed he could STILL manipulate ME into being fearful at work… He is aware that the lie could get back to me eventually. He was hoping I was still the Jelly-fish. That I am still afraid of my own shadow (which he caused, during the relationship). The fact is, I’m NOT! The truth is that I was scared when I heard about this, but then after some thinking, I realized that anyone who has worked closely with me, knows my daily habits, too. Just my own behavior at work (and elsewhere) exposes his scheme to anyone who is paying attention to the whole picture. 2) His part in the tit-for-tat game….He had to try to discredit and harm me. He’s waiting for confirmation that it’s working. That woman will be his messenger…As far as shes concerned, I’ll be making her believe that what she told boss #2 caused me to lose that 2nd job. I will be lying to her to do it, but I want to see how far THAT one will go. If my X gets wind of it (and he most definitely WILL), he’ll get cocky and careless, and eventually hang himself. I’m just providing the noose. Boss #2 has been alerted to what I’m planning. He’s LOVING it!

      I’ve learned to think like him, and am using his own game against him.

      My small piece of revenge.

      1. Yes! That’s what we need to do: think like them to beat them. Once they lose the first time, they won’t want to play anymore. My X (not ex like you noted in one of your posts) knows now that if he tries spreading lies about me or discloses any personal secrets, I will simply call him out on my blog, which his friends and family follow. (I love WordPress analytics!) It’s the only form of justice I will ever get. I wish you the best of luck with this annoyance and hope it ends soon. 🙂

        1. Thank you 😀 and, OUTSTANDING that your X knows he’s beaten!! How cool! This ‘annoyance’ won’t be over for some time, but the fireworks in the end will be well worth it.

  2. You’re making me smile! You’re strong! Terrific! I told you you would be ok. I’ve been feeling it from your writing. You can be rational but they (the gossipers and the psychopath) cannot. When their plans begin to crumble, they must look to other venues and other lies to try to override the first lies they started. Even tho they believe all of their own ballyhoo, they keep creating, and eventually it becomes so sensationalized that the stories become unbelievable and they become known as true gossipers/deceivers in this game we call life. The saying “What goes around, comes around” really is true. I know. It’s the waiting on our end that’s difficult, but believe me, well worth the wait. Keep smiling because that’s what drives them crazy!

    1. No problem with the smiling 😀

      It’s kind of strange..the woman has been especially careful NOT to bad-mouth anyone to me the last couple of days. I haven’t been able to shut her down! Dang it!! I was kind of looking forward to it. Honestly, I can’t remember even 1 day when she’s been pleasant. Where she hasn’t been over sensitive about someone’s tone, or something else that was ridiculous. She hasn’t asked anything personal about me, either. I’ve been waiting for her to bring up the 2nd job to me, and ask me something pertinent about it, so I could plant that lovely seed for her to nurture for me. I wanted her to bring it up. I’ll be patient. She can’t help herself. she HAS to be the gossip and nosy-body. She won’t be happy, otherwise. I’m just watching and paying attention.

      Thank you for believing in me. Honestly, I realize I’m stronger than I was, though sometimes its still hard for me to see. One thing about the jelly fish…they are gelatinous, and spineless…back them into a corner and they will wollup you with a sting that will make you regret ever messing with them.

      I’m reveling in the anticipation of things to come. I can’t let people get to me, knowing that their attitude toward me is nothing but his manipulations. If they can’t come directly to me and ask the important questions in order to discern the REAL truth…they aren’t worth my aggravation or time. I will count my losses, which really aren’t losses at all…they are a gain for me, in realizing who my true friends are…especially at work.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s