After the first song, the judges (as they did throughout the contest) commented HEAVILY about the change in me, since the last attempt in this particular contest. I wish my friend had recorded them. The funny thing is they thought the improvement was due to their advice to me. It’s amazing what one can do when determination sets in. The difference between then and now, is the confidence level! That’s it! I refused to allow the monster to take my faith and relationship with music!! I believe this is a turning point in my healing process.
I wanted to mention some of the GOOD changes, since leaving my X.. and possibly the best one. Before my experience with him, I really was a jelly-fish..especially when it came to abuse from men in general, but also with ANYONE. I let people walk all over me. I wouldn’t stand up for myself when someone was mean, a jerk, or cutting. That’s definitely changed!
One person this is affecting is my daughter. She told me I’m more “sensitive”. That might be the case in some respects, but what she is seeing (she is one who I’ve let walk all over me) is my absolute REFUSAL to do this anymore! I shut her down in an instant, as I do anyone else who is cruel. It’s still hard to do as my first reaction is silence. But I recognize that immediately, and speak up now.
I used to be VERY self-conscious. I was worried about how I looked or acted…whether or not I would be perceived as a “dork”. Since my X, I now refuse to make apologies for who I AM! I realize that there are times that I DO look and act like a dork. I also realize that is exactly WHO I AM, at times.
I’m still a bit shaky in areas, but I’m growing. There are areas that I’m afraid might be damaged beyond repair, but only time will tell.
I hope you will enjoy this video.