An update about giving boss #2 my notice…
Everything went better than I expected. My #2 boss handled things ok. Of course, he was upset…though he didn’t yell. (Thank YOU!) He was relieved that I wasn’t planning on leaving him high and dry, and that I would give him the time to replace me. It’s going to be a difficult 2 weeks, but I’ll do it. I’ll just need some extra sleep!! 🙂 Yesterday, for instance, was a 14 1/2 hour day between both jobs, as I was called into work early RIGHT AFTER doing 4 hours with the other job. I had just gotten home, fed Myrtle the turtle (and the friggen gold fish that she’s decided are her friends) and let the dog outside. My boss called me in to help because (of course) they were short-handed. I hopped into the shower and was out the door in 1/2 an hour (in my primary job, there is no need to try to look like a beauty-queen…). I handled the long day alright, though I was pretty tired when I finally got home.
In giving my notice to boss #2, I realized something that I do habitually, which is also something that marks me as a target for abuse. I anticipate the “other foot”, the proverbial “bomb” drop, the “sh** hitting the fan”…you get it :D… and I automatically turn into the (you guessed it) jelly-fish! I’m a peacemaker by nature. some anticipation is healthy. To allow it to consume you, is most definitely NOT! As I anticipated hearing his anger, predicting what he might do and say, I automatically calmed and quieted my voice, instead of speaking with determination and confidence. I’ve learned that it’s the best way to calm the savage beast, normally. Unfortunately it also sweeps issues under the carpet until they grow, fester, and become something humongous! In my case, I believe it’s what gave my X the ability to control and manipulate me. He recognized this weakness in me, and exploited it with great cunning and skill. He knew I had a difficult time standing up for myself. I don’t like to make waves, so my chosen physical/emotional motto has been “understanding first”. As I have said, some is healthy. When it’s imbalanced and used to manipulate you, of COURSE it’s not healthy!
In my experiences and exodus over the last year, one thing I have determined is I will NEVER ever go though that AGAIN! I want and need to identify what makes me a visible target to this type of individual –the Psychopath/narcissist– deal with it in a healthy way, and make changes where possible. The peacemaker approach is a good one to have but, if it’s imbalanced, it becomes food for the Psychopath. He thrives on that type of person. He sees that type response as a “win” for him. Sam Vaknin calls it a source of Narcissistic Supply. I don’t know about you, but I view the “supply” as food for the psychopath…and I want to see him STARVE! The sad thing is I should have learned all of these things: how to react in a healthy way, how to stand up for myself, and especially how to carry myself with confidence in EVERY area, during my growing years. Instead, I was taught that the Man had the last word. If he’s angry, you stay quiet. Always respect other’s wishes, to the point that your needs are ignored. These are the lessons I learned. Jelly-fish. How to be a victim for the rest of your life. How to constantly be in a state of “starting over” if you DO have the guts eventually, to get away from an abusive situation.
I’ve had enough of this life-style! I have to relearn EVERYTHING I was taught, so I won’t be a target of a Psychopath ever again! So I won’t be a target of manipulation and abuse in any way, ever again.
One thing I can thank my X-monster for, is FORCING me to recognize the hard things about myself, teaching me that evil people DO exist in life, and that those evil people pray on those they perceive as WEAK. If you are naturally prone to high levels of empathy, you are MOST targeted! If you are nice, understanding, somewhat naive, and have been abused in your childhood…you can count on being targeted. The Psychopath is like the great white shark. They can smell the blood (spot those with damaged psyches) from miles away (in a crowd of people), target and attack the victim, once chosen, and enjoy a great meal (Narcissistic/Psychopathic supply).
My goal is to change enough that I’m not an obvious meal to them. So I can be just a part of the crowd…blend in with other pseudo-normal individuals. So I don’t ever have to experience that type of hell again.
- Codependency – Sounds like someone I know (ruminatingdaily.com)