The beginning stages of healing, after getting out of a relationship with a “cluster-B” (as I have recently learned about..which includes narcissists, psych/sociopaths, etc)…I won’t lie to you and tell you its “easy” or “a short battle” because, frankly, it’s pure hell. In fact, it’s every bit as excruciating, for a time, as the hell you just got out of. The difference is, it’s the pain of processing, moving forward and HEALING. JUST DON’T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF, DURING THIS PROCESS!!!
When I escaped my Monster, I had a few driving facts echoing around me and inside of me, which really HAS helped me to keep the drive to keep fighting through the torment left by my X:
- Freedom!!! I compared my life that year, to my idea of the proverbial, biblical account of a place called “hell”. A place where the ungodly go. Eternal punishment, damnation, etc. etc. Hell didn’t sound so bad, after I left him. The constant thought (and I was elated!!!) I had was, I lived through REAL hell, REAL torment, REAL EVIL, fought to be free and WON! Every bad experience I could ever go through, or had ever gone through, paled in comparison!! I looked into the eyes of evil, and lived. I walked (ran) away, gaining my freedom, which I lost for a little over a year. The sun never looked so beautiful. The smells and sounds around me became their own music. I couldn’t imagine heaven being much better than this! you are free!!! Accept this for yourself, breath it, live it, love every minute from this point forward!
- Recognize that the thoughts in your mind, especially in the early days, are not YOUR OWN! Don’t let yourself forget how he tormented you, drilling into your mind EVERY belittling word…calling you ‘delusional’, ‘juvenile’, ‘stupid’, or even trying to convince you that everything was your fault for what ever reason. recognize that these aren’t YOUR thoughts…DON’T CARRY THEM! They are carefully placed, drilled and conditioned to be a PART of his CALCULATED attempts to control everything about you, who you are, your thoughts and actions. It was a sick game of his, wasn’t it?
- Once you have recognized what are actually HIS lies, mulling around in your psyche…take steps to silence them…SILENCE HIM…for good. Find something positive…anything…to replace those thoughts with. With practice, it will become easier, I assure you! I found positive affirmations helped with this. With time, you will be surprised at how seldom you are hearing his voice. You’ll notice changes and improvements in days.
- Read, read, read…learn, learn, learn: Don’t fear your questions of “how”, or “why”…or even “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT??” If you get an “I wonder…” research the subject. Understanding what you have been through, and what exactly you had DEALT with…the name of the Monster, etc. to the best of your ability, really IS recommended. You might feel like you’ve become obsessed. In a way, that’s true…so was I. But (through reading) I learned that it’s called the “understanding” phase. You aren’t the only one who has ever been in this spot! Read, and learn…it’ll give you some peace to understand as much as you can. Don’t get discouraged if it isn’t completely settled inside of you. You have been through absolute hell, with someone who’s sick, twistedness is such that you could NEVER have dreamed of or imagined in you worst nightmares. You won’t be able to completely understand everything you have been through, but soon you will be ok with it.
- Seek support: I was still alone in everything when I escaped. I thought and knew I sounded crazy when I went to co-workers for help. All they heard from me was a whole lot of information, mixed with begging. Information that no one can possibly fathom, unless they have been through it themselves. In the attempt to ask for help, I inadvertently affirmed everything my X was telling them… They believe(d) that I really WAS/am crazy! One of the best things I could have done is begin my blog. The fact that you are reading this, means you are on the right road!!!
you are not alone anymore!!!!!
You have made it this far!! You are STRONGER THAN YOU EVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE…
I am here for you, as is everyone else here.
It gets easier, i PROMISE you 😀