This is going to be a tough one to write. It has been the center of all of the abuse I have allowed in my life. Entitlement…
Please bear with me.. I realize this might be difficult to follow…
As humans, we are entitled to live free, have free will, and to never be any type of slave of anyone or anything. We are ALL entitled to be safe, fed, and to have a roof over our heads. We are entitled to be happy and to see all of our dreams realized, if not come to fruition. Though we are entitled to have such things, it doesn’t mean we get it or keep any of it, free of effort. We have to work to have a home, food, and to be safe from any harm. We have to work to be happy, even though we are entitled…
The generation of 20 somethings have been referred to as the “Entitlement Generation” (http://cantbeme.com/do-we-spoil-our-children/). I have met several younger people (in their 20’s) that have old-world work ethics and ideals. They are the ones who are working to see their dreams come true…to make sure they are a productive part of society, without showing any sign of Narcissism. The others are exhibiting narcissistic traits. They are the ones that claim entitlement, without working for life’s benefits. If you don’t give them what they want, or if you disagree with them any way, be prepared for any number of onslaughts thrown at you, not limited to but including obscenities and even violence. Even their own parents aren’t immune from their torturous youngsters. Entitlement. Respect. Some understand that respect is earned. So is entitlement, in some ways.
Respect is given where it’s earned. It first begins with true trust. I’m singling that one out from “blind” trust. Trust is often given where it is not warranted. True trust is earned. It’s tried by fire, so-to-speak. It’s when you tell a friend a secret, and they keep it. It’s when you need a shoulder and they’re there for you. Trust is earned when you know you can count on a person to be there for you, protect you, and tell you the hard things. That breeds true trust. It also allows for respect. Once you trust someone, you can decide if they have character to count on them. If you don’t have respect for a person, you also cannot trust them…not fully, anyway. Blind trust is when you THINK you know a person. You think they are decent, nice human beings, without proof of their integrity. Those people haven’t proven they are trust-worthy. That’s blind trust.
Blind trust builds the threshold for abuse.
He believed (by ‘he’, I mean most every man I have ever known) by just the simple fact that he treated me to dinner, he was entitled to touch, kiss, push…control and abuse. There are so many men out there that believe just by being a MAN makes them entitled (that they have the right) to mistreat a woman…a young lady…a child.
As base human beings, we have the RIGHT to free speech. But where would we be if someone hadn’t fought for that right? In court, we are entitled to restitution from the one(s) who wronged us, but we had to fight for that right to receive it. This is where entitlement is separated from perceived entitlement. Did the abuser earn the right to abuse you in any way, to make him entitled in the end?? To touch you, just because you are a woman? Did he fight for ownership of you? Not only no, but oh HELL no!
When a woman is taught to be a victim, she is also taught that she has NO role in her own life to be safe, speak her mind, or protect herself. When the subject of her victimization is a male figure, early on, she grows up with a distorted view of her role in her own life. She is taught to believe and trust without question, especially when it pertains to a male figure. After all, she doesn’t have the right to stand up for herself or question behaviors. The man is the most important. Her job is to oblige, without question. Her role at that point is to remain quiet, so as to keep from furthering abuse or anger.
This is what happens when we have blind trust. We place ourselves in danger, willingly, though we fool ourselves into believing (and fighting to believe) that we are finally SAFE. How trustworthy are first impressions? A man who speaks sweetly to us, does nice things, makes us laugh and tells stories about when they stood up for some random woman who was being mistreated, is one we trust automatically. He’s the one who will love us unconditionally, right? He’s the one who won’t let any other man hurt us in any way. After blindly trusting this individual, sometimes a woman is quick to try and prove herself right, by allowing him certain freedoms only meant for the right person. Not a phony, abusive prick. Unfortunately, by the time the man shows his true colors, he’s already started to show his “Mr. Hyde” side. We believed and trusted wholeheartedly… we fight what we see unfolding before our eyes.
“He just needs time”…”he had a bad relationship and needs to learn he can trust me”.
In the meantime, he starts forcing advances, ignoring boundaries, etc. The woman’s inner dialogue is, “If I am quiet, don’t make a fuss, everything will be ok. He just needs more time”. We cower, until our early teaching comes into play…”I can’t do anything about this”. “He’s a man, therefore he’s entitled to…”
Where are we in the bigger picture? We are lying back while allowing a sick individual the right (which he doesn’t deserve) to control us, entirely. No one is entitled to control us in any way. No one has the right to take away our individuality…our pride.
The man is no more entitled to touch us, than he is to steal our car…no matter WHAT your relationship is with that person. A man is NOT ENTITLED to violate you, whether it be emotionally, mentally or sexually…for ANY reason! I don’t care if the person is your husband. When he is entitled is when you ALLOW him to be. True trust is needed before you EVER give someone ANY freedoms over you. I said freely give. It’s a product of respect and trust.
No man is ENTITLED to touch you, just because he CHOOSES to do something nice for you. No man is entitled any actual or supposed power over you, just because he’s a “MAN”.
You are entitled to be safe from harm. You are the sole person who has ALL rights over yourself, your body, who you associate with, and what you say. You choose who is allowed to touch you, and when. If someone tries to take that right from you, they are a predator, pure and simple.
Get the picture?