A post I can (embarrasingly) relate to…boy howdy!

An article that I thought you all might find useful… I sure did

http://covertabuse.com/2012/10/07/reclaiming-the-power-behind-rationalizing/

This is a preview of her article:

Reclaiming the Power Behind Rationalizing

By Demian E Yumei, on October 7th, 2012

It’s not that we don’t think when we stay in abusive relationships. We do. It’s just that instead of using our thinking to discern the truth, we use our thinking to hide from it. Instead of using our thinking to protect ourselves, we use it to justify staying in danger. Instead of calling out wrong behavior, we rationalize the inexcusable.

We are mental contortionists. And that takes a lot of work and considerable skill.

When I think back to my most abusive relationship, I am amazed at my incredible tunnel vision and my ability to twist everything around to defend what was indefensible and to protect someone who didn’t even exist.

I created a fairy tale, the one about the soul mate. I realize now I was never defending my ex as much as my idea of him. Lest anyone starts to feel sorry for him — poor thing, never loved for himself — let me say it was exactly what he wanted. It worked for him, enabled him to be who he was, while benefiting from who I thought he was.

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