When I called my X on his stalking, you wouldn’t believe the onslaught I received. Calling my phone leaving hateful, threatening voicemails, emailing me and calling me at work…EVERY MINUTE… a series of emails, I responded to. We argued. I tried to get him to understand that what he was doing was killing me, with the accusations and taunts. I still didn’t know anything other than the fact that he was psychologically abusive. I already knew some of the steps of brainwashing, and I had started recognizing those in his dealings with me (of course I rationalized it away). I still didn’t know the full scale of his online stalking. I only knew of the inquiries at work and watching my house. I knew that his perceptions were fact, in his mind. I knew he was trying (and succeeding) to isolate me from my daughter, friends, and family. He was keeping me silent at work…more on that one, later. The end was short-lived..
I stopped talking to him, all together. He responded to my silence with a series of emails, trying to play nice, and then turned around and tried to present me as the mental case and demanded I stay silent. In one he even tried to bribe me to call him from work. I recognized what he was trying to do, here (get me fired). I was still silent. Hardly a day went by that I didn’t get some sort of contact from him.. email, flowers on my door step, notes stuck to my car.. Then one day I came home and found a LONG email from him, titled “Important”. Stupid me, I read it. In the email, he apologized for the way he had been treating me. He blamed it on “depression” from #1) his mom and step-dad being in a very bad car accident (when this happened, I was at his house when he got the call. He let it go to voicemail. He didn’t flinch, gasp, or act any bit concerned. I thought it was because he didn’t want to offend me, so I let him know that it was ok to call his brother back, or go to the hospital to be with his mom. He responded, “Oh, it’s nothing but emotionalism and drama.”) and #2) a recent cancer scare… I fell for it, hook line and sinker… He admitted to the abuse, stalking, and everything, though he didn’t “name” it in the email. He just said, “You’re right about everything”.
I replied, nicely. I shouldn’t have replied at all. I believed him, though there were still things that didn’t make sense. He treated me like he hated me from the beginning. Didn’t want to hear what I had to say, even little things, all but calling me a slut, then would exclaim his undying love for me.
I thought I should give things another chance, still believing he was (deep down) the nice caring individual I believed he was, instead of the monster I learned of, later.
I would begin to learn just how bad his online stalking really was, at this point. I really came to understand the monster he is…