At first the abuse was settled down, for a time. It was short lived though. He started turning on the manipulations and accusations, exponentially. Since it was almost constant, already, I was amazed that he could do this. He started scheming more, too. He’s not very good at it, in that he can’t remember what he said and can’t keep his story straight.. At the same time, he’s very good at it, since he could make the Pope believe he’s pregnant! No one questions his trustworthiness. Maybe it’s because I learned how he thought to the best of my ability, by this point, that I was able to pick up on it. I’m really not sure. With each out of the blue, pointed statement designed to get an answer out of me, my skin crawled. All I knew was he was up to “something”. There were normal times that he made some statement in a conversation. My skin didn’t crawl then. Most times, though, he didn’t want to hear anything I had to say. I couldn’t talk about my family or friends. I couldn’t talk about fun times or even yard work, without him getting upset and irate. I learned to stay quiet when we were together. We didn’t have very many normal, nice conversations. He was very direct in everything he chose to say. From the beginning he said “I’m a very private individual”.
In the early days, he asked for silence regarding our relationship because we both work for the same company (that’s the story he wanted everyone else to believe). He asked the same of his mother. Something I learned about him…if you are scheming but want to appear to be rational and the request sound more reasonable, get someone else involved. Tell them the story you want others to believe. If one person tells the story, the truthfulness can be questioned. If 2, it’s more believable. He used/uses this one quite often, if not continuously. I can assure you, it is effective. It’s a great cover up that uses human traits against the humans one wants to scheme against. It moves things along very easily. No one questions or perceives ulterior motives, since every human is human, and wouldn’t do something like “that”.
“I’m a trained observer..” At first I thought this trait was charming, and he really was the protective, chivalrous type. If a man says this to you, watch for stalking behavior!
This is almost as easy to put together as the riddle, “which came first, the chicken or the egg?” So many events happened, I can’t determine which came first..so I’ll just name a few…
Of course, you know of the ‘facebook’ scenario. He asked me about it, I answered truthfully and voila! Here comes the monster with his own facebook page…someone that outwardly believed that all who had one were “childish and juvenile” (and spouted his disdain of social networking sites). I only started getting an understanding of his other favorite game, “Tit-for-tat”. I also began to realize just how thorough he was in searching every area of the web about me. He probably found my facebook page by doing a google search with my name. Tit-for-tat games were always synonymous with his stalking behavior, so it was hard to differentiate between the two.
Ok…on with it…
Before I realized things were starting to get worse, I wanted to believe he had changed. I felt guilty for not trusting him and wanted to take a step of “faith”, so I accepted his friend request. This lasted all of 2 days. He combed through EVERYTHING on my facebook page…things that shouldn’t have looked questionable or shady to anyone. Since I was aware of his ability to twist anything and use it against me, I deleted things that I thought he could take wrong. Left others behind because I thought there was a human, deep down in him. Wrong!!!!! He doesn’t look at anything objectively. Always suspiciously. I assumed he would see the obvious things as the obvious jokes, statements, etc that they were. He HAMMERED me about everything! One male friend I had, said “long time no talk…luv ya!” (I missed one)…you guessed it, Instant accusations about an online relationship!!! Pretty soon, he started asking questions, one in particular alerted me to just how bad it was. I have an ex boyfriend on my friend’s list. I didn’t tell him about anyone on my friends list. I didn’t see any need to, since I thought he would see things objectively. “Who’s “—“?” I was honest about it with my monster-friend. He explained, “I was wondering, since he’s friends with your Mother, best friend and your daughter. I knew something was up.”
What??? Yes I deleted him.
Here’s another scenario… One day we were arguing. Now, I believe it was one he forced. We were arguing about facebook, but in his arguing he said, “….myspace, er I mean facebook..” This happened a few times. I knew enough about him to know he doesn’t make slip-of-the-tongue mistakes. It was intentional. Skin crawling…I thought, “what could he have possibly found, there?” I did a people search on Myspace with his email address, and voila! Profile..new and marked single. I don’t care if someone chooses to be on social networking sites. But the intent he had in getting them, is one I didn’t like. I asked about it, including his status as “single”, and he said, “You have one, too, and you’re single!” (tit-for-tat). I deleted the last known myspace profile I had, about 4 years prior. Then I remembered… when I was checking out MySpace, I set up a profile about 7 years ago. I did nothing with it and forgot about it. He did a search in front of me, with my name. Up came dozens of profiles with the same name, but he recognized mine from the picture. “See? There you are…” he clicked on the link and said, “Single!” He told me my boyfriend, Tom was on it too. I knew he thought my other friend was a relationship, so I corrected him, “You mean Tim?” He said, “Tim, Tom, whatever the FUCK!” I laughed at him, and told him to click on the picture. Tom Anderson…your instant friend at the time, when you set up a new account. The only friend on my page. I called the help desk and deleted that profile. I didn’t even have the log in information.
Then he mentioned MyLife.com out of the blue. Told me about his account, and his paid subscription. I knew he didn’t bring things up for nothing. It was always with a purpose. He always tried to either do it to get more information out of me, or let me know he was watching me. I was already scared? petrified? Uneasy? about his apparent online stalking, so again, I went onto Mylife. If he didn’t attack me with everything he thought he saw, I wouldn’t have viewed his behavior as so threatening. I came to understand how dangerous he truly was and is, later.
Mylife… You can’t see anything really, unless you pay for a subscription, about WHO had viewed the profile, but you CAN see everyone in the acquaintance section. I did a search with my name, found my old profile and found every acquaintance (family) I had, listed there. Husbands, in-laws (I think), children…where I live (City and state), but no names of who clicked on that profile. I saw one male clicked on it, from the city I live in. Skin crawling, “I know that’s [the monster]…”, and I paid for one month’s subscription. I only set up one profile, MANY years ago, looking for old school friends and hadn’t been on it in years. To gain access to that account, I had to call them. Back then, it was “Reunion.com”. Same company as Mylife that, as it turns out, also sets up their OWN profile about you, based on what every other people-search engine has about you. It’s a stalker’s paradise. Apparently, he was in his own version of Heaven.
I clicked on everyone listed in the acquaintance section…there he was, his “profile” stamp. All of them. He had only met 2 of the ones mentioned. I alerted everyone that I could, that they were being stalked, then called mylife.com directly, to alert them, too. I found out that there’s no way to block someone from viewing your page(s), but you CAN request that mylife delete yours, as well as the automatic one they set up for you. Yep, and OH HELL YEAH! I deleted them.
This started a major fact finding mission for me, getting proof about the extent of his stalking, getting identifiable information about him to give to officials, later, if I had to…etc… Keep in mind that, he started recognizing that I was building some strength. He started early brainwashing methods, early on in our relationship. He recognized that time was ticking, so he tried to change my beliefs about myself, him, and the world around me. He tried to show himself as my “savior”, because I was so upset about everything. to him it just HAD to be mental issues, and past relationship bull-shit… I recognized EVERYTHING he was trying to do!