In all of the past few posts, I have come to see the manipulations that I’ve missed. When I tried to see a restraining order awarded to me in court, my X-monster tried to portray me as the stalker. It was reflective, I assure you. In each time he brought something up out of the blue about some social networking site, such as myspace, facebook or any other…he was placing suggestions in my head. This is one example of how he uses human traits (natural) against the ones he is choosing to scheme against, to get a desired response. Each time he mentioned something out of the blue, it was to get me to look for the whys, and answers to my suspicions. He knew all along what he was causing in me. It was all a very devious, carefully thought out and implemented plan. Just as he succeeded in manipulating me to behave in a paranoid way, so he could make people believe I was paranoid, he also did just the same thing, making me appear as HIS stalker! God, was I foolish! Hind-sight…usually shows itself AFTER something has already happened. Things become clearer…only, too little, too late.
Brainwashing… gaslighting… honeymoon phase…keeping me off balance and completely insecure in every area of my life, only to redirect my thinking later, and try to present himself as the only person to EVER care about me…that he was “Helping” me… Sick fuck!
I am still so far away from understanding any of it. I understand the abuse, but to place it into a neatly formed pile in order to talk about it, I have to silence everything inside of me. It’s a constant fight.
I’m analytical. I’m a constant slave to introspection/extrospection. It won’t shut UP long enough to get a reasonable grip.
The “please stay silent” ploy… Remember? He learned at some point in his life that in order to make others believe a lie, you first get a second person (usually an innocent) to believe it enough to stand up with the manipulator. Unknowingly, being a deceived little pawn.
When we first met, he asked me to be quiet about our relationship since we work for the same company. Soon, we both went to his mom’s house for dinner, where he asked the same thing of her.
At work, he would leave little gifts for me in the driver’s seat of my truck. He would send packages around the shuttle system, to be VERY visible to everyone around me at work. He would send little messages from drivers, for them to tell me. Our relationship was very, VERY public. Could I exclaim any pride in our relationship? Could I admit to anything but a friendship with him, to others? A resounding NO. On a regular basis, he would (again, out of the blue) take an angry, threatening tone with me, reminding me that if I said anything, he would know about it. I stayed quiet…about everything… the niceties, the abuse, the fear… I didn’t develop one relationship with anyone at work. I was afraid to talk to anyone, because of his ability to twist anything into ‘something’, and make me pay for it.
When I questioned him about the why’s of it all, later, he told me it was because of a completely different reason, meant only to protect me, just like the stalking and watching my home was to protect me, too. All bull-shit. I bet if I were to talk to his mother, she would remember his request of her, that day. I don’t dare do that, though. That’s one can of slime I don’t want to re-open. He has a loving, caring mother. I do like her to this day. She was also an innocent pawn in all of his schemes… She did it because she sees him as almost saintly. She loves him. She wants to protect him from all the ‘crazies’ out there. I wonder if she would live through the education of the facts surrounding her son?
Why did he demand the silence? So no one would hear anything about us, but what he wanted them to think. I couldn’t ask for help from those at work that I trusted. He could say anything or do anything for people to see or hear, regarding our relationship and what he wanted people to believe about me as an individual…I could say nothing. I could do nothing. I couldn’t talk to anyone about anything, surrounding our relationship or not.
The monster is married.
Poor, poor girl.
(I just found this post by annamoss…My face, someone else’s story. A couple minute differences, however. He never drained my bank account…just everything I ever was.)