Get over it

Cut and pasted from the website: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_to_heal_after_a_relationship_with_a_sociopath

“How to heal after a relationship with a sociopath?

Sociopathy (Psychopathy) Questions

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I am a diagnosed sociopath. I answer from my own experiences.I feel no pity for you because chances are there were tons of signs for you to get out of the relationship and you didn’t. You were taken advantage of because you were so blind to something that is so obvious to other sociopaths like me. I can see through people and those I can’t I steer clear from because they are likely just as I am.While I acknowledge you’ve been hurt the best I can tell you is simply move past it. What else am I supposed to say? He or she does not care about you and never did. You dwell on it and the sociopath wins points because they love to know they hurt you and they get pleasure out of your pain.

You want me to be blunt? Your entire relationship was a lie and one sided. Can you really love someone who did not love you back and lied to your face for god knows how long? And you couldn’t see it? Don’t feel bad. A lot of people can pick up on us and sociopaths are very clever and know how to mimic empathy.

To be blunt. Just move on and find someone else. Don’t dwell on it.

That’s all I’ve got.

Drop him or her.

Just like they dropped you.”

Apparently this individual is a diagnosed psychopath. I believe this claim. I’ve really been struggling today, and like other days like this I decided to do a search on google. This is one link that came up in my search. This person who wrote in, is playing the demean and blame game that we are all too familiar with. He’s direct and to the point, with an abrasiveness about him that gives me the chills. Psychopaths are liars, that is a fact, yet in as much as they are liars (twisting the truth to form their own versions of reality for onlookers), they enjoy telling the truth just as much. It’s more shocking and hurtful to the recipient to hear “truth” at times. I’m reminded of Captain Hook in the movie “peter pan” with Robin Williams. In it, Hook tells Jack after being called a liar, “Lie? Why would I lie? The truth is far too much fun.” Psychopath.

When talking to people who haven’t been “there” about what happened, how he treated you and finally, what’s left, they not only think you have “lost it” but their favorite response is, “Just get over it”. This irritates me. The fact that I can’t look at another man romantically in any way without going into a tail spin, infuriates me. I’m still a friggen prisoner. To try to explain to that person why you won’t pursue anything romantic with them will bring that person to view you as ‘pathetic’ and ‘pitiful’. “Move on…get over it”… Instead of facing that type of conversation with anyone, I’d rather avoid it all together. What happens as a result? I’m left to fight through the torment entirely alone. I can’t confide in a friend about things without hearing something like “get over it”. They are impatient in the process you are going through because they can’t fathom the swells of shit welling up inside of you, still.

Even more are the damned vultures that are around you. They want a relationship with you, and will bend over backwards to  make sure their name is forever on your tongue. To make sure that they are THERE when you are finally “over it” enough to try again. Vulture. Hover and peck. Maddening and suffocating. These people want to conquer you before anyone else gets the chance. Sickening

I don’t have a very good view of relationships and men right now. Carrion hunting, circling vultures.

The aftermath of a pathological, toxic relationship isn’t the same as having been cheated on, or even physically abused. Honestly (though I am glad this didn’t happen) I think I could have handled being beaten a lot easier than being psychologically raped.

 

 

People just don’t have a clue.

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7 thoughts on “Get over it

  1. Wow…get over it. Why didn’t I think of that? My sister and I often struggle with the fact that no one “sees” the damage so they decide it isn’t there. Something I didn’t mention in my comment yesterday is that my trips to L.A. were to be with friends I trusted. I knew I was safe there. I miss going. One of the first things I do if–when my finances turn around will be to go back. I don’t know what it’s like going out with co-workers. Never done it. I think you’re very brave to make the effort, especially with all the baggage that goes with it. You’re stronger than you know.

    1. To hear “just get over it” from someone feels like a slap in the face! If we could, don’t you think we would? It’s not something that you can just turn off at a switch. People are naturally ignorant. When it came to the type of person I encountered, I know I most definitely was. I hate life lessons, by the way. I have a new found understanding and respect for victims, and their “crazy” days, after getting away from abuse. I’m that person, now. My heart breaks for them, too. As far as going out with co-workers, I did have a lot of fun with them. One was my boss. Weird! lol!

      My X conditioned me to ALWAYS be aware of the people around me. Most of all, however, I was conditioned to second guess EVERYTHING that came out of my mouth, for fear of any retaliation from my X for how he viewed things. I could have said, “You’re hysterical and funny” to a co-worker, trying to have a moment of jocularity with them. My X would accuse me (or them) of flirting, or what-have-you. the onslaught was never a pleasant one. He couldn’t laugh WITH me, at all! I learned to always be on guard around co-workers. I’m trying to break that, but apparently I’m still going to hit a brick wall from time to time. I need to find a way to deal with that when it hits. Yesterday was horrendous! I don’t need a repeat!

  2. weareonebyruth

    I decided eventually I will get past the current hurdles but I am changed. I am finally deciding I am OK with the change. 10 years of work is starting to pay off. Your time to heal at your pace and I agree if they haven’t experienced something like this it is so hard to gain understanding. I am thankful for bloggers like you that share your story. Hugs, we will get stronger through this.

    1. I think one of the hardest things I’m dealing with right now is how I HAVE changed as a result. I’m hating this. Trusting others around me is a major obstacle. I don’t want to be “stuck” like this for the rest of my life. It’s taken a year of changing my thoughts to recognize which were his, and which ones were SUPPOSED to be there. I thought I was doing great, getting past things. Fact is, i tried to strong-arm my way through, but didn’t really deal with anything. I hadn’t found the ability to get angry yet, and honestly I didn’t know how to deal with that which I couldn’t make sense of. Healing, I suppose, starts now…

      Grabbing onto that saddle horn REAL tight…I think it’s going to get a little bumpy from here.

  3. It really helps to read articles like this one, although there arn’t enough! Yes, I agree I’d love nothing more than to just “get over it” but I can’t seem to do that…My firend my family have heard enough. I feel as though my friends somehow avoid me now, because I can’t seem to just “get over it!”
    First of all it took me a long time to actually understand just what had happened..when I started to realize I was bombarded with memories or realizations of what was true!
    My abuser moved to another town for about 18 months and then…moved right back to this one and the hell changed, moved into yet a higher realm! I am full of emotions, pain, humiliation and disgust.
    I am getting stronger everyday, yet still I am far from well or “over it” There are times when I truly wonder if I will ever be alright?
    I pray everyday for the day I don’t think about him anymore or the abuse and continuing mental torment….Believe me, I don’t chose to feel the way I do, but I believe unless youve been through such a relationship, witnessed such evil, it just incomprehensible for someone who has not!
    Thanks for what you do, it helps more than you know!

    1. Thank you for reading and for your comment. I take it things haven’t been over for you for very long. It’s imperative for us to be able to understand what has happened. When it’s incomprehensible, it can seem almost impossible. For me, I was able to understand WHAT my X was/is first, but never fully able to understand the why’s behind the abuse. There was never any perceivable reason…it just was, it just happened, and he took pleasure in it for some reason. That’s the only thing I have to glean any peace from. Whether or not I could completely understand at that point, was inconsequential. Once I was able to see him in all his evilness and give him some name, that was at least a little vindicating. At least I knew my memories of him, our relationship, the abuse and every little thing that hit out of the blue, weren’t dreamed up by some misdirected, altered psychological state. I wasn’t crazy, just as you aren’t. Accept that it really DID happen. Trust your memories and accept what was for what it was. I think that’s part of our being prisoner to rumination, because it’s just soo hard to understand and then trust what really happened. It’s hard to trust our own memories because the monster tried so painstakingly to ‘gaslight’ us into second guessing everything around us, including our own NATURAL perceptions of what was happening!

      You are who I was thinking of when I started writing this blog. Thought I felt alone, I believed that I wasn’t the only one out “there” who had experienced what I just got out of. I wanted my experiences as well, to help someone else. There’s very little out there for tangible resources for support or help. There’s plenty on the internet, but i can’t drive to Canada every day for help. I can’t drive 1/2 way across the country. That’s why I put everything into this blog. Every bad day, every epiphany, every strength and weakness. It’s my healing process, though I know everyone will heal differently. If someone reads where my process is on a particular day, and is going through the same thing, they will know they aren’t alone. It’s a small piece, really, but hopefully vindicating for someone.

      You’ve probably already read this, but if not, please do. It’s what helped me during the crucial moments in the first year. https://lifebegins45.wordpress.com/2012/06/22/for-those-of-you-fresh-out-of-a-psychologically-abusive-relationship/

      Find something beautiful today and drown his lies with it! hang in there 🙂

    2. I have to tell you, though… it’s still a daily battle for me to accept my own memories of what happened, though I know that’s the key. We are human, and expect others to be, too. To meet someone who’s sole purpose in life is to try and destroy us, is incomprehensible. To meet someone who is completely inhumane and not human in the least bit, is hard for us to accept. It goes against everything we have believed all our lives. Couple that with the monster’s gaslighting, and you have the state of every survivor. Where we are, too. I keep reminding myself that my memories are real, it really DID happen that way.

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