Some things I’m noticing

As always, I struggle with the right words to describe things, but I will do my best. I’m not really going through a hard day, depressed or anything of that sort. I am, however, full of thought and body is reacting in kind. I’m quiet and somewhat expressionless. I’ve been like this for a couple of days. As I said, I’m not depressed but I am noticing some things that are alarming to me. Add another cold to the equation, and you have me… (side note: I haven’t had THIS MANY PROBLEMS with colds in close to 10 years! This sucks! Colds turn to bronchitis for me, which means at least a trip to the er, if not full on admittance for a few days to a week if I can’t get it to go away QUICKLY. For me, there is no such thing as “just a cold”.)

I wonder if anyone else has experienced this type of thing after their encounter with a Psychopath?

I remember enduring abuse in the past. Emotional, physical and sexual. I always came out of it ok. I never lost who I WAS in the end. I was never left questioning anything, except for the whys of the abuse. Things were as they were and I picked myself up nicely-ish. There was really no question about my boundaries for the most part. Once I saw that changes weren’t being made, though I ignored the initial warnings, I was all about speaking my mind. I didn’t call off the relationship until things got SO BAD that I couldn’t stand it any longer.  I was able to be ‘ok’ in a relationship (though most turned abusive in the end), and was ‘ok’ with not bringing anything from my past into it. It was a non-issue, and not even a thought. Irregardless of the fact that i was actually damaged going into the relationship, which is why I continued getting into abusive ones. I did second guess everything that my gut was screaming at me to pay attention, which allowed for the abuse in the first place.

This time isn’t the same. Its as if I am a new born baby. Everything is new and I have to relearn everything. Its like I have never lived before, and am just starting out again. Whenever I try to go out with friends, especially when a guy is interested in me, I fall into a shell of sorts. Instead of speaking my mind, I clam up entirely. My eyes go to the floor and I am absolutely silent.

I recognize those areas that my X destroyed. Confidence has been hugely affected in many areas! Though I have gained much in this area over the last year, personal interrelationships is one area that I’m still struggling in. As long as I’m behind the counter, the real OLD me shows. As long as people are at arms length, I’m ok. If someone tries to get closer (say, as a true friend should be), I am like a fish out of water. Totally exposed and uncomfortable.

This isn’t ME!

In the past, my prior relationship never had any bearing in a new one…at least as I looked at it. I wasn’t threatened by any man (per-say). I was comfortable and happy. Now, the instant I even consider trying again, I go into THIS mode. All it takes is a glance by someone, and I’m in this place.

I’m having to relearn how to be comfortable again. I’m having to drown out my x’s influences in every area, in order to try and function normally. With a hint of a familiar scenario, I become beat down again. The person never causes it, but I can’t quell the fargin pictures and scenario replays in my head. Some of those echos aren’t quiet yet.

I’ve silenced the lies that were left inside. The sound of his voice, and his words for the most part have been killed. Except for the scenario replays.

I remember how he put me in a position to shatter me in an instant. I remember when I would talk to him about having fun at work, and he would accuse me of flirting or that the guy just wanted to take advantage of me (get in my pants, as he would say). I was made to feel like a slut, and worse…that he SAW me as one. This was continuous. His online stalking and outside schemes only solidified his distrust of me, which I paid for. My psyche is still remembering those times, and is still living it, apparently.

I can’t seem to get past this, yet. I need a “how-to” book to help me out, here. I’m at a loss.

I doubt if I’ve made any sense, here.

 

A new year’s resolution

My X said something that was actually great advise, regardless of the messenger…”Make this year better than your last”. I hate the idea of thinking back to something “good” in that relationship, since it was such a harrowing experience, but this is actually good.

It’s good for survivors of one like him.

Every year prior to that experience was met with the same old mistakes, the same old struggles, the same old failures. Why was this? It’s because I chose to ride the waves of life, expecting fate to carry me to safer waters. Yeah, umm…nope! This year will be different. As with every day, it begins with the first breath and the first step. I’ll touch on this one, later…

This last year has had some successes for me. It’s also had some failures. We cannot allow ourselves to look at the failures and dwell on them. All that will do is bring a defeated spirit to our lives, which will cause more FAILURE! We’ll be afraid to look and move forward. Isn’t that just what he (or she) caused in you during your relationship in the first place? We’ve grown past (for the most part) the defeated mind-set that he placed so skillfully in our hearts and minds. Why would we, who have grown so much in this last year, accept that again?! This is a time to reflect on our own successes, strengths and opportunities to be better and stronger, yet.

Humans are on a constant track of learning and growing. If we look at the failures as OPPORTUNITIES, we will be better, still!

I’m learning the art of setting goals. Yes, most people on the planet have already learned this skill. I really never did. I’ve made small goals (time centered goals, like how to get everything done in one day), but nothing with a big dramatic joyful ending. Until this past year, of course. I still have lots to learn in that area. However, my biggest downfall is STARTING! I realize the areas that still need to change, or at least the need for me to become stronger in. The “how’s” just aren’t that clear.

I’m learning to believe that in such a case, the most important thing to do is BEGIN, whether or not the path is an obvious one. Step into unknown territory. Make your OWN path. Part of being human is in making the mistakes. But instead of becoming defeated by them, we find direction IN that mistake. It is what will help us find our way to the end of that goal. Take a deep breath, and then take the next step. sometimes it’s necessary to take a day to reflect, but make sure you don’t stay in that place for too long. We become complacent, which creates the atmosphere to stay in our own hell, a little longer. I don’t know about you, but this is something I want to get away from, very VERY soon!

I don’t want to be the same person I ever was. I don’t want to be the defeated jelly-fish ever again! I want to become whole, safe and loved safely, in the end.

As I said above, every year prior had been met with the same old mistakes and failures. The same abusive patterns (though this was the first Psychopath I had ever met to my knowledge), the same defeated mind-set, and lack of hope. The common thread in all of that was my OWN LACK OF MOVEMENT!  I expected life to carry me. I expected God to do all the work in my life, and I wouldn’t have anything dealt to me that I couldn’t handle.

Every miracle in the Bible was first tested by the movement of the recipient. If that person were too afraid and refused to pick up his bed, for instance, would he have received the miracle and been able to walk? I believe that would be an emphatic NO. He told the lame man, “You are healed! Now, take up your bed and WALK!’…What if that same lame man said, “But lord, I still feel pain in my joints, I don’t feel any different, I’m afraid to fall on my face…No, I’m not going to try.” He would have remained bed-ridden. My point with this is to say; the cosmos, life, fate or even GOD will NOT give us what we need, if we aren’t willing to “take up your bed and WALK”! Relying on such things to make our lives better, only makes us a meal to a shark. It makes us stagnant in that same life we are complaining about. Being the same jelly-fish we were 10 years ago, isn’t the fault (at first the abuser carried the blame) of the abuser in the end, but lies in the one LIVING THE LIFE! 

It’s important for the survivor to take the time to process everything they have gone through. This takes time. Please take that time, if you are fresh out of that relationship with your X-Psychopath. This entry is met for those of us who have been out of it for a while. Me, I’ve been away from my X for over a year. My goal is to learn those habitual patterns I’ve carried throughout my own life, that has made me such a sumptuous meal to abusers, and then CHANGE THOSE PATTERNS!

For the rest of us,

We are healed! Now, its most definitely time to take up our beds and WALK! It doesn’t mean that we won’t falter or even fail sometimes. The point is in the MOTION, in refusing to accept unhealthy patterns any longer.

The reason I keep writing about this type of thing is because I still struggle with it. I’m growing, learning and becoming stronger. This year will be even BETTER!

 

 

Being a man of substance

I remember hearing that phrase while growing up. It was always used with the understanding that being “of substance” generally meant “successful”, “classy” and so on. Being a man (or woman) of substance meant to be and act like one from the upper echelons of society. I’ve learned something different, which is my understanding. What I’ve learned about the pre-conceived ideal of “substance” is, it usually is met with shallowness and haughtiness. Not of “substance” at all…rather a LACK of true substance. All is done for face value, with the desire to succeed and be noticed.

The last couple of weeks has definitely opened my eyes to the RIGHTFUL definition of “substance”. One is phony, the other is real and cannot truly be faked for “face value”.

Perhaps this is due to my experience with the Monster, as well as my own natural level of empathy. I don’t know, but I think this is something we all should strive for in our own lives.

Being a person of substance is showing consideration for others, first and foremost! It doesn’t mean faking it to get what one wants. It means understanding others’ shortcomings and helping where ever possible. It means putting yourself LAST on occasion for a friend, partner, co-worker or even someone you don’t know. How hard is it to take the brush and help clear a car of snow? How hard is it to make one extra pie for someone who needs their day brightened?

Substance means that you are one that someone can count on to support and build them UP! Not tear down to make them look smaller than you, to others. It means showing empathy toward grieving people, without judgment or ridicule.

It means being compassionate and caring. It means being HUMAN, in all of its wonderfulness.

Don’t get me wrong, people come from all walks of life. The thought of going to a bar, for some, is absolute TABU. That’s a personal preference, which I understand. I just happen to be ok with going once in a while. But to live that life while playing “compassionate” and “caring” for the cameras, is nothing short of sickening. Oprah comes to mind, here. I can’t pretend to know that woman, her life off camera, or anything about what she does in secret. Granted, she has done some amazing things for others…but was it REALLY for “others”? The way to determine the heart behind the acts, is the CAMERA and the BRAGGING…but whatever. Even the bible says that charity should be done in secret. “Don’t let your right hand know what the other is doing…”. Ok, that’s a tangent I didn’t intend on touching.

Please, please, please… be real. Be a REAL friend. Be a REAL lover of people. Be a REAL lover of yourself, which shows in your compassion and consideration for others. But be so, in a balanced way. We all know what being a martyr is like. Not nice or fun. It’s like putting ourselves on someones chopping block, to be examined with a tooth-pick. However, if you can make someone else’s day brighter in some way…what is stopping you?

I wish everyone a great day and a wonderful enhancing NEW YEAR! 😀

 

Red Flags…

A few weeks ago I went out with some old friends of mine. One of which I’ve been spending some time with, just ‘hanging out’. There were moments that I was interested (or thought I was) in trying to see some relationship potential, as a sort of “watch and see” game of mine. I used this time to try to recognize some red flags. I found some. Some were minuscule. Other’s were huge!

I’m practicing the art of calling bullshit, bullshit…and acting accordingly. After my relationship with my X, there are some things I will NEVER ALLOW AGAIN!

1) In our case, our age difference could cause some issues. I like to have fun, but not at others’ expense. That doesn’t mean that I can’t joke around with someone, or engage in verbal jousting matches with the best of them. But it DOES mean that riding bikes in the middle of Wal-Mart is NOT  good way to pass the time. Yes, it’s stupid fun, but it’s also disrespectful to other customers and the employees who work hard to keep their store presentable. No, I didn’t do that with him but he bragged about doing that with other friends recently. Sorry, not my cup-o-tea.

2) We went Karaoke-ing the other night. We left the bar and were met with a couple of inches of snow on his car. I took my bare hand and helped brush away the snow off his car. He didn’t ask for help, yet I knew that I COULD help to make the job quicker and easier. I was still in my work clothes as he didn’t let me know what he had planned, and I had just gotten off work. Afterwards we went to a local gas station to sit and have coffee. We met at this particular gas station to start off the evening. By the time coffee was done, and I had to leave so I could get up for work the next day, the snow on my car was piled up. He got in his car and sat with the heat on, while I cleared ALL of the snow off of my own car. No big deal to the lay person. My work shoes really need replacing. There are holes that allow for all of the snow to soak my feet. He sat and watched. This is a red-flag in and of itself. If you hadn’t figured it out, he didn’t even think to help me. He didn’t offer or anything. He stayed warm while I froze my tail off, wondering why he didn’t even offer to help.

3) We both had a little more Christmas shopping to do, so we went to a store or 2. We went to a video rental store, where I said something pretty stupid. I admit it, and should have known better. He made fun of me in front of the clerk, talking about my “lack of attention to detail” and such. He embarrassed me. This is becoming his favorite “quality” about me, that he likes to point out…in private or in public. We’ve known eachother for several years, with a few years absence in between. We were always singing buddies, and pool partners (I, more of a hinderance to the game than anything).

4) His Aunt has been sent home with terminal cancer just before Christmas. The entire time that he talked about that, he ridiculed each one of his family members for being emotional about the prognosis. He snubbed his nose at the very thought of their becoming emotional, or showing emotion when seeing said Aunt over Christmas. He came back, talking about how he down talked them to their faces for shedding tears.

Really.

Now, the lesson:

As pertains to scenario #1; Acting like a jackass doesn’t impress me in the least. Listening to someone brag about acting like an ass for laughs (especially at the expense of others) doesn’t make me interested in pursuing anything in the least. I’m not impressed, nor am I the least bit interested. I used to be that nutty, when I was younger. However, there comes a time when you have to grow up a little and be responsible. That means take care of your bills, learn and implement respect for others, etc. Above all, I don’t have to act like a jack-ass in order to get someone to like me. The fact that just his stories made my skin crawl, was a red-flag all its own. I’ve paid attention to that gut instinct. What does this scenario tell me? I’m not 100% sure about that. I’m not sure if he’s just that insecure, or that Arrogant and doesn’t care about others. He has shown some caring toward me, however. Now, I think it was just to impress me, and nothing genuine.

Scenario #2; Brushing the snow off of cars. What does the fact that he didn’t think to help me, knowing my shoes are holy and I helped him, say about him? About any possible relationship? This is what I got out of it: His concern for me was zilch…nadda… The only concern was for himself and his comfort. Yes, he started his car so I could climb in to be warm while mine warmed up, but he allowed me to brush my car of 4-5 inches of snow without an inkling of care or consideration. It showed that he’s selfish. It showed me that if I ever needed him to stand up for me, it wouldn’t ever happen. He’d find something funny about it instead of caring for my well-being.

Scenario #3; (This one should raise some hackles on the back of your necks) Being demeaning toward me in public and in private. It was to get the clerk to laugh, while in public…or at least that was one perk. He likes to point out my short-comings in private conversation and in public. There again this shows lack of care and consideration, except for himself. I’m seeing a common thread, here.

Scenario #4; Aunt dying of cancer at home… Where’s the empathy? Where’s the concern? I understand the need for the kids to have a nice Christmas, but the tears were away from the kids. The sadness was between family members, who are meant to be a strength for one another. Ridiculing them was not a nice thing to do. It’s a sad time for them all, too.

One good thing has come of my experience with a Psychopath…I see the red-flags and recognize them WITHOUT EXCUSES, almost immediately. I know that I don’t want a repeat performance from another selfish, narcissistic person. We’d be better as friends…in time.

As it stands at this point in time, I really don’t want to spend any more time with him. Friends are friends. We are friends because we encourage one another. We don’t demean each other for our own benefit or for ANY reason at all! We accentuate each others’ strengths and talk about the hard things with RESPECT for each other. He doesn’t seem like much of a friend after-all.

Lesson learned.

Devalue and Discard

Oh, I could NEVER have put my relationship experience any more eloquently! This is my LIFE with my X!…though this centers on primarily a Narcissist, it’s also the M.O. of a psychopath!!

Psychopath Resistance

A narcissist will quickly devalue and discard his target, claiming he is the victim. His victims are now put in a defensive role by his lies and character assassination. By involving others he is enlarging his circle of those who give him attention. Any attention you may have given him is now replaced and multiplied by other people he manages to fool. A win/win scenario for a narcissist.

He will increase his attempts to provoke his victim into some reaction—the more emotional the better to make her look crazy and himself sane. Do NOT take his bait. It is his trap and setup. Provoking you into a reaction is his goal.

Dr. Vaknin explains: “Even the victim’s relatives, friends, and colleagues are amenable to the considerable charm, persuasiveness, and manipulativeness of the abuser and to his impressive thespian skills. The abuser offers a plausible rendition of the…

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Sometimes the hardest steps are the ones we haven’t taken yet

This post is about fear. I happen to have a couple of phobias. My #1 is a fear of negative emotion.

Since my experience with my X, this has grown exponentially. I’ve had to say some hard things to people around me, of late, and I can’t say it was easy. The thing is, my anticipation of talking to them was worse than the actual outcome.

I am most afraid of hurting someone, in any way. I don’t want to make someone angry or hurt any feelings, but it doesn’t change the facts…it has to be said. In pushing through this challenge, it’s also reaffirming some boundaries that I most definitely need to set into place.

I hate this, but I can’t put myself in any potentially compromising situations. I’m not ready to add anyone to my life. I’m still trying to find MYSELF in this mire. I hate my X for where I am, now, because of him. However, my experience has had some positive things come out of it.

I have been forced to recognize the hard things about myself. Areas of weakness that have needed attention. Up to the time with my X, I conveniently pushed the issues under the rug. I reasoned my issues away, and tried to form lasting bonds with other men. I always walked into those relationships as the wounded puppy/martyr. It was this fact that made me so attractive to a Psychopath. He got the notion that I was easily controlled. Yes, I was. I agree with that thought. He also assumed I could be brainwashed into marrying him or never leaving him (until he was done with me, of course). This is the thing that he was ohh soo wrong about. I’m grateful for my slavery to introspection and extrospection. Without this, I would have allowed the brainwashing to take a full hold, as well. That is, at least, something to be proud of.

Baby step #1)

I’ve talked to one person in particular. I had hoped to continue a relationship with this person. You see, we were inseparable about 20 years ago. He came back into my life in the middle of my hell with the Psychopath. The fact remained that no amount of forcing myself to be ok with a relationship was going to change the looming fact…I WASN’T READY! I’ve hurt this person, and that is something I regret. He’s one I never wanted to hurt. Unfortunately, his reactions to me have been less than ideal. He’s become hateful in his pot-shots (without reason or warning), and though he says he understands, he really doesn’t. Of course, no-one really can understand what is left of me right now. His reactions have really put a damper on a friendship. I hope this isn’t a forever thing, but I won’t allow any level of cruelty, whether it’s due to his having been hurt or not. He’s attacking me without reasonable provocation. He blames me. That is completely apparent. Not acceptable for any reason, though I do understand.

Baby step #2)

A very nice man from work is interested in me. He’s made that perfectly clear. I’ve been placating him instead of being upfront with him. In placating him, I mean I’ve been talking to him, but when it comes to him asking me out, I avoid him…entirely. I’ve made pseudo-plans to meet for coffee or what-have-you, only to bail out at the last second. I’ve led him to believe I’m interested in hanging out with him, with having no intentions of following through. I’ve felt horrible for this! It’s all because I’m afraid to talk about the hard things. In this case, it isn’t really a difficult subject but I have been afraid of hurting his feelings. In dragging out and encouraging his hopes, I realized that I was hurting him, anyway. I talked to him this morning, and he was very sweet and understanding. I’m entirely grateful!!

Gawd! I feel like such a CHILD right now!! Life lessons that were meant to be conquered early in life, are only just coming to the surface. I’m ready to face these, but it’s definitely NOT easy.

Boundaries.

As I said in the title of this entry, “Sometimes the hardest steps are the ones we haven’t taken yet”. The anticipation of every step we need to take to pursue a better, healthier life, is usually what makes it difficult to take that first step. The demons of the unknown, are very real in the life of someone who is DEATHLY afraid of negative emotion. It doesn’t mean that the demons need to grow bigger than us or Bigger than our need to have a healthier life, or become whole. It just means we need to become stronger than the demons inside. This is a difficult task, but conquerable. Step by step, the demons will shrink away. I hope to get to the point that I’m not so afraid of the hard things. 

 

receiving the “Very Inspiring Blogger Award”..Thank you, Paula! (Better late than never, eh?? lol!)

Back in March, Paula (from paularenee@wordpress.com) was sweet enough to nominate me for this award. I had never been nominated before and thought there would be sort of a competition within the wordpress.com hierarchy to choose a final winner. I had no idea that by being nominated for an award, meant that I actually received it! ha 🙂 So… Thank you, Paula! This really is a wonderful award, and I appreciate it (and you) very much!

When I started this blog, I was in need of further healing from the relationship I had just escaped from. I had a couple of goals that I wanted to see…#1) continue in that healing, and #2) recognizing that I surely wasn’t the only one in that (this) place, I wanted to help anyone else in the same position to understand that they weren’t alone and help them with whatever questions or overwhelming whirlwind they were going through. I do hope I have been a hug and a warm place for them. Thank you, Paula, for being a great encouraging force and inspiration to me.

I need to share 7 unknown things about myself. This one might be tough, but I’ll do my best…

1. Paula actually brought this one up in her blog 🙂 http://paularenee.wordpress.com/2012/03/30/i-won-very-inspiring-blogger-award/  …please forgive me, Paula, I just HAVE to say this! lol!! I hate chickens ;)… A number of years ago I worked at a feed store. Since I love animals so much, my boss thought it would be a great thing to put me in charge of caring for the throngs of day-old hatchling chicks, of various varieties. I thought it would be wonderful and I started my duties with anticipation and excitement. We also took care of turkey chicks, a type of  TINY partridge, as well as day-old ducklings. My favorite type is Indian Runners. It didn’t take me long to get tired of cleaning the pens, having to put down those chicks that had been pecked beyond the point of saving, though those fuzzy little creatures WERE adorable! I still remember the smell…not pretty. They are cruel beyond belief, to other chicks, to the point of killing eachother. That, I never got used to.

2. When I was 8 years old, I loved learning everything. I was also extremely analytical and was full of ideas. This was in the early 70’s. I actually came up with an idea for laser disks (a type of CD). I was learning about molecules, atoms, protons, neutrons, ions and the positive and negative polarities of each. I also knew about magnetics. I had an idea (never tried or proved) that by manipulating the polarities down to a molecular level, there should be no reason that we can’t walk through walls. Yes, 8 years old. I was a strange child.

3. My birth father (sperm-donor) was a sociopath. I thank God every day that he has never been in my life, and that my step dad agreed to a legal name change for my brother and I, so my real dad couldn’t find us.

4. I absolutely LOVE spinach! Cooked or raw, it’s like candy to me

5. I’ve actually made people sick with my cooking. Rosemary is a wonderful addition to many dishes, but if you use too much, it has adverse affects.

6. I have made home-made mayonnaise. 95% oil. It’s MUCH easier if you have a stand-alone mixer.

7. My perfect home will have a lilac tree and rhubarb growing in the yard. Now…all I need is rhubarb!

Another part of my responsibilities is to nominate 6 bloggers for this award. This one will be a toughy! I appreciate each and every one of my readers’ blogs, as well as the ones I follow. I encourage you to check out their blogs! Absolutely wonderful!!

1) http://christianpurposeblog.wordpress.com/

2) http://nicolerandall.wordpress.com/

3) http://ladybluerose.wordpress.com/

4) http://vacationinmybackyard.com/

5) http://faking40at50.com/

6) http://cryominute.wordpress.com/

Each one of these blogs are a lot of fun to read. Please visit them and make them part of your reading list 😀

Liebster award! (Thank you)

Thanks Rohan7!

 

Thank you, Rohan7, for nominating me for this award! His blog back at Rohan7things.wordpress.com is a wonderful, uplifting and insightful new work in progress. His style and wit will uplift even your ‘tough’ days 🙂 I’m grateful to have found such a nice friend…

I also want to apologize to Paula @ Paula’s Pontifications: (http://paularenee.wordpress.com/)  who, back in March or April, nominated me for the very inspiring blogger award. I, having just started in the blogosphere, had no idea that just by being nominated, I had been given the award. I awaited word of who was ‘chosen’ to receive it and thought it had been given to someone else! I will address that one on Monday… 😀

Now…the rules…!

• Display the award logo on your blog…Check!
• Link back to the person nominating you
• Answer the three questions, or make up 3 yourself!
• Pass the award onto 3 other newbies (200 followers or less, or started the blog this year) bloggers and link to one of their specific posts so that they get notified by pingback.

Rohan chose 3 cool questions to answer. I like the question about dreams for the first one..

1) Dreams: This alone could spark a day’s writing, but I’ll try to keep it short… When I hear the word, “dreams” I don’t think of the sub-conscious induced movie we are sometimes allowed during our 7-9 hours of blissful, recharging slumber time. I think of those things we all want to do, deep to our core. What we are meant to do. It’s those things that, if you are low in self-esteem or confidence, will remain on the back burner until a later date, when you realize just how much time you have left to accomplish them. I believe our dreams aren’t there to torment us into seeing what we CAN’T do, but a challenge to accomplish them! What a life-changing, heart-changing venture! Don’t cheat yourself into believing you weren’t meant to see your dreams come true. You win every battle, every dream, anything that might better yourself or your circumstance, by taking that first step.

2) This one I am making up, myself… “What is your favorite animal?” I actually have 2 favorites. One I’m familiar with, and one I want to meet. Dogs are my favorite. I have found a new love for Boxers. They are lovey snuggely people pleasers, who love the family they are with, love to be part of that family, and are wonderful protectors. Extremely smart, and hysterical! Especially at 3am when they have to go potty…by the way, they don’t blink (I’ve never seen it, anyway!)! Dolphins are the ones I would like to meet. When watching them, they are able to conjure up such wonderful peace in my heart. When I watch a documentary or see a picture, it feels like I’m seeing a best friend I’ve never met.

3) “If you had the chance to go anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?” I have always wanted to see Rome. Since I was a child, I loved the architecture and the history. I loved the mythological creatures and the Roman’s deities. It would be neat to see. Just the optical illusions they intentionally used in that architecture is astounding…

 

Now to pass this award on to 3 wonderful bloggers:

1) The Ability To Love~Recovery From Psychopathic Abuse: A great blog about healing from abuse. In this blog she brings out the hard points of healing…our OWN role! The things that we know but won’t face. Our part that we played in being a target and so on… wonderful! (http://theabilitytolove.wordpress.com/2012/11/30/a-psychopathic-seduction-targeting-101/)

2) The Project: Me by Judy: Judy writes in her blog about overcoming the affects of Narcissist abuse in the home. She is also a newly published author. Judy has become a wonderful friend to me and very inspirational and instrumental in my own healing process… http://theprojectbyjudy.wordpress.com/2012/11/30/remember-me-asking-god-for-a-vacation/

3)  projectwhitespace.com: I don’t know how many followers she has, or how long she’s been blogging..so if this nomination is outside the guidlines, SUE ME! Ha! This blog is about so many things, but with one common overtone…INSPIRATION! In it, she encourages you to tackle the hard things (running a marathon) and gives you the tools to work (yoga). A great breath of fresh air! http://projectwhitespace.com/interview-robert-grabel-and-teens-run-westchester/

Thanks to all of you who have been here. You are ALL inspirational to me and instrumental in my life. I am blessed to have met each and every one of you, here. My biggest wish is to meet someday for coffee, or any fattening no-no’s we can think of, and spend the day together. I know that many are thousands of miles away, and some 1/2 way across the globe. Here, we are close and walking together.

GROUP HUGS! 😀