A small step leads to a small victory

It’s becoming very clear to me who is a pawn for my X, in order to continue his smear campaign against me. I am grateful that a friend of mine is open to telling me when someone is furthering my X’s lies with gossip. In this case it’s being done under the guise of “warning” others about me. In fact, this is the story that is being used on a regular basis. One pulls another aside to warn them to refrain from touching me in any way because I’ll file sexual harassment charges against them if they do. This is something my X set into place long before I ran from him. It was done within the first couple of months of seeing eachother. I called it and predicted it, then. I hoped I was wrong. Nope. After I filed for a restraining order, and initially went to management about his abuse, he started telling people that story. This is a way of manipulating human’s beliefs by using their own natural nature against them. He uses it with cunning and great skill. People are completely unaware. I gave him the first piece of the puzzle. He created the second, which was all he needed to make the lie more believable.

After alerting management about my X and his abuse, I have kept them in the loop about the smear campaign and why I know where it started. This also includes the chosen pawns. A man I work with is just as bad about the gossip as the Narcissist cashier I work with. There are certain things that she’s said recently that are beginning to echo my X and what he said to me. I wonder…  Anyway, back to the man…

My friend told me what was said. It was a continued thing from a year ago. This man and I talked about this over a year ago, yet he’s continuing. I, even though I was afraid to confront him about it, decided to talk to him today. I asked him if he would go outside to talk to me, as i didn’t think it was anyone else’s business. He said, “No.” Because of his beliefs regarding me, he will not be alone with me, even for friendly conversation. He said, “what do you want to say?” and “I’m here now.” I went ahead and blurted it out. I chose to refrain from attacking him. I knew the truth, as this has been an issue before. I asked him to keep from gossiping about me, and if he heard anything to come to me, first. He lied to my face. He said “I don’t gossip about anyone. If someone tells me a story about another, I tell them I don’t want to hear it and suggest they go to that person.” (Lie) I told him, “Ok, well that’s good, but this includes warning someone about something you heard.” “If you don’t know the facts, this is nothing more than hurtful gossip which was vindictive in its origin.” He reassured me again. “You and I already talked about this over a year ago.” “I don’t talk about other people.” I reiterated, “Be that as it may, please come to me before spreading anything or giving out warnings.”

Maybe I should have called him on the lies, but I didn’t see the point. It wouldn’t have fixed anything and in fact, it would have escalated. I know what was said, and I know the truth. Either way, this man also knows the truth. I didn’t see him flinch or anything that would show that he felt the least bit guilty. I hope that in the very least, he knows he’s caught.

Maybe I shouldn’t care about the smear campaign any more. Maybe I should just listen for hints or absolutes of who is spreading this lie for my X-monster and use it as a tool to weed out the chaff. I realized the other day that in going to management for protection, I’m affirming the lies from my X that I cry wolf at any given opportunity. This is not what I want at all.

The manager that originally came from his store, believes me about my X. When I was talking to him about the lie, how it began as well as it’s implementation, you could see the lights go on. It was written all over his face. It makes perfect sense to him, now. He said, “Have you ever heard “his” views about management?” He was talking about my X’s views about what a manager should be like. All he said was, “It was nothing short of disturbing.”

His mask is coming off at work, regardless of what I do. I think that in talking to management, and especially the ones that worked with him, it’s acting in my favor. The lies are being exposed by TRUTH! I do love this.

It’s this manager that my X so painstakingly tried to mimic. The one that caused such a trigger in coming to my store, to begin with. I haven’t labeled my X as a Psychopath at work. No one would really understand or believe me. After all, most still have a Hollywood view of Psychopaths, and that they aren’t out in the “real” world. What would that prove? It would sound like I was over-exaggerating and being overly dramatic.

In spite of being afraid to confront this co-worker, I did it anyway. He understands how I feel about his gossiping about me, and that includes his pseudo-innocent “warnings”. It needed to be said.

Regardless of other factors, I still need to stand up for myself at work, even though it’s with a diplomatic tone.

I wish I could say I’m completely comfortable at work. I’m not, pure and simple. I’m more myself, now, and am visibly accepted by my co-workers. I do understand, however, that the face they put on in front of me might not be the one they wear when I’m not there.

I know who I am. That’s all that really matters. There’s more to this story, like the picture the Narc cashier is painting about me to my boss. That one will be dealt with, too. She’s hurting my job, pure and simple. My boss is believing her crap and is reprimanding me for things that aren’t real or true. Time to take care of business…

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4 thoughts on “A small step leads to a small victory

  1. Good for you for standing up for yourself. It isn’t easy. I know. Oh! Do I know. But it’s necessary. You are not a doormat, you are a woman with a heart and feelings.

    1. I think I’ve stumbled onto step one in my recovery. Speaking up or walking away (depending on the scenario). I recognize my need to have my needs known and respected and react in-kind when they are not. These are small steps that most would think of as juvenile (sometimes the words my X used against me, work best in taking his power away), but for me, they go completely against age-old conditioning. I think that with practice, this will become easier. Good to see you 🙂

  2. The steps are “juvenile” because they are BASIC. Juvenile simply adds a nasty implication. Healthy people learn them when they’re young. Good for you. BTW, you’re right; calling the guy on his lie wouldn’t help. He probably genuinely believes what he’s saying, which doesn’t mean he practices what he preaches.

    1. He takes an active stance to avoid me in certain situations, such as being in a normal close proximity of me. He keeps a safe distance from me. It bothers me, that’s for sure, because it’s an unfair judgement based on a vindictive lie from my X! He believes warnings about people as a safety mechanism. He’s highly suspicious of some people, with very little (if any) provocation. All it takes is a word. He believes the lie, and doesn’t practice what he preaches in the least! He’s in his 50’s…not 12. The Narc cashier is 2 days younger than me. It’s amazing how junior high behaviors seem to have stuck with these 2! lol! He knows how I feel, and that’s good. He doesn’t know exactly WHO filled me in, initially, so I suspect he’ll be more careful about who he says WHAT to.

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