I start this entry with a little uncertainty. I follow an amazing survivor’s blog, who is very instrumental in my own process, as well as many others. She is heart-felt, understanding and says the hard things about ourselves. Things that we need to know in order to move on and to heal.(http://theabilitytolove.wordpress.com/) . She gently admonishes other survivors, because she has BEEN THERE TOO! She understands the gravity of the situation and necessity to move PAST the victim mind-set, and into the new realm of SURVIVOR! Some things are hard to deal with, but are necessary to deal with them and understand the importance of MOVING.
I have been seeing some turmoil around her of late, and to say it is disturbing to me would be an understatement. Her advise to survivors is being picked apart and ridiculed. SHE is being ridiculed and picked apart. I believe whole-heartedly that this is due to mis-understanding to some degree. Also, trolls will always be trolls. They are disordered minds in cyber-bodies. They rip apart and trip the bigger picture…HEALING! That is their intent, using it to sway others and get our focus away from where it needs to be. Not only do they try to sway opinions of the survivors, but they also try to hurt and discourage the ones doing the work. It makes them feel powerful. They are happy with the outcome, if it is one that directs others away from where they need to be. To know they can sway the thoughts and opinions of the “masses” makes them feel special, entitled and powerful.
They suck eggs.
The trolls are the easy ones to understand and pick apart. Like my Psychopathic X, I wish they would crawl back into the sulfuric chasm they crawled up from, and burn. But, as difficult as it is to accept, they have a role in this life, too. They test our weaknesses and strength, just like the full-blown Narcissist and Psychopath. They gain power from our weaknesses, yes, but at the same time they EXPOSE those areas to us! We can’t fix or change those areas that are still unknown to us. This is something good that comes from ones like this. Experiencing those like the troll, if we deal with things correctly, will allow us to become STRONGER in the end, not weaker. Trolls test our progress.
She is in the position of a type of healer. Not exactly a ‘healer’, but helper, encourager, director, counselor and a friend. These people have always and WILL ALWAYS fall under some sort of scrutiny. I really don’t understand why that is. The righteous have ALWAYS been examined with a tooth-pick, to expose something that would discredit them and the work they do. People just can NOT let things be, without destroying the helper and those that have been helped, all under the guise of “truth”. Look at Jesus, or the prophets who became martyrs. How about the apostles being exiled and imprisoned for their work and beliefs. It’s never been any different. I don’t compare any of us who are helping and encouraging others, to the holiest of holy people to have ever walked our planet. In fact, I shun such comparisons. If you are consistently doing good for others, it makes those who are NOT feel exposed.
If you are being targeted by trolls or critics, take heart…
You are doing SOMETHING RIGHT!! Feel better? I sure hope so.
Now, for the survivors who are “critiquing” where it’s not warranted. Those who are criticizing…
I believe there are a few reasons behind this… Some survivors are bitter and happy (at least for the time being) to wallow in self-pity and pain. They are stuck in the place they were left after being discarded or running from the disordered individual. Please understand… I am NOT talking about survivors who are fresh out of the relationship!!! This does not apply to YOU at all! I’m talking about the habitual attention-seekers, who are constantly and consistently looking for SOMEONE to pity them or make them “feel” better. I’m talking about those survivors who have been out of the relationship for YEARS, and are still stuck. You don’t like the exposition of someone’s advise which suggests that you are habitually ruminating, and need to STOP in order to heal and become whole. For those, a chord has been struck because you feel EXPOSED. You don’t like to be told that you are making any mistakes. A bit of advise to those survivors. You hold the cards to your OWN healing. It’s something that we can’t glean from others. We can gain advise from others, but please understand that each person’s process is their OWN. All we can do is use their experience and advise as a guide to walk our own journey. Instead of bitching and complaining, take some time to open your minds, ears and hearts, and REALLY WORK on your own healing journey. You stopped moving forward at some point. Start moving your feet again. You’ve lost sight of the prize that is pure FREEDOM. You blame others for that. Please stop. Your life is your own. You make it what YOU want it to be. It’s not the fault of the counselors (in any form) that you won’t recognize the hard things. That you won’t accept responsibility for your own healing.
Again, I re-emphasize this fact: The above is meant for those individuals who have been AWAY from the relationship for YEARS, and NOT new survivors who are currently in the beginning stages of healing.
For those who are fresh out of the abusive relationship, my next post is for you. Books are meant to be paperback, or hard-covered, sold in book stores 😀
I’ll spare you for now.
Accept your own responsibility for your OWN path, as a survivor.
For those who support survivors… You are experiencing growing pains! You are being a great help and support to survivors who WANT to heal, or are READY to move on through their healing process. I appreciate you and the work you do. Thank you for helping ME!