These words are from Alanis Morrisette’s song, Not as we. The rest of the song doesn’t fit, however, as it’s about starting over after an abusive relationship. I believe my last relationship could have become abusive, according to some of the things the guy was saying and doing. He is entirely Narcissistic. He tried to set me up on a few occasions, in ways that sparked some triggers. I heard what he said in response to a situation HE created, and recognized it immediately! He set it up. He blamed me. Sounded too de’ja’vue-ish to ignore. I should have ended it, then. That was before I knew ex-wife #2 was still living at his house, and WAY before he told me, “She knows about you…”. I chose to wait it out, to be “sure”. Boy, doesn’t THAT sound all too familiar?!
I’m having a hard time staying on topic. Yes, I’m still mulling everything over in my mind.
Where was I, before the speed bump? I was facing, meeting and exceeding challenges and expectations. I Had a few nerve-racking plateaus, not being able to see the end of the road. Occasionally I stopped moving, while still looking for a new direction. I was pushing positivity and encouragement for myself and others.
Today, I find myself in a bit of a whirlwind. I know I made the right choice. Now, where to go from here? I think the first step is take care of me, my dog and my wonderful little house. My boyfriend has never stopped trying to convince me to move in, which he was doing only a few weeks after starting to see eachother. I’m grateful that I recognized that as the red-flag it was, and didn’t let him win. I still have my house, wonderful landlords and peace.
I’m thankful for opened eyes and being able to trust myself enough to do what I needed to do. I didn’t second-guess myself too much, in this. I don’t like just jumping to conclusions about someone, so I wait it out in order to see the reality of things be proved. Time will tell, as they say. I’m grateful that I still have my house, now, and that I didn’t fall so hard and “blindly” that I failed think about myself or my own well-being.
One step closer to being the person I was meant to be, all along.