No, this isn’t about my new boyfriend. I will say that he’s shown me nothing but high levels of REAL empathy for others, and especially myself and my family. Concern and true caring. This is about the Narcissist, who I am now believing is a Sociopath. Since I am still unclear of the difference between a Psychopath and Sociopath, I am only recognizing the difference as he is showing (and has showed throughout), compared to the Psychopath of my past.
This is an update of that page of my book..
I have to say, however, that I’m not in the tail-spin of the past, regarding the callous nature or “evil” drive that the Soc is showing. I am predicting the probabilities of any future moves on his part, and so far I’m correct.
I went entirely “No Contact” from this individual, on November 10, 2013. I did choose to respond to a text message he sent a month and a half later, only after receiving a series of texts following my initial request that he leave me alone. I was faced with a few choices about how to handle his continued harassment: Go to the Corporate gurus and report it, ignore it, send a certified letter to his home or respond via text one last time. I chose to do the latter. I don’t believe he’s a violent person. He’s just an old school-yard bully that never grew up. I chose to handle it myself. I reminded him that I had already asked him to leave me alone, described in detail the types of contact that was no longer allowed from him, and reminded him that I mean what I say. He went silent for about a week and a half, until the final email.
My current boyfriend is concerned. He asked me if he’d been leaving me alone, a couple of days after receiving the email. I didn’t want to tell him about it, only because the situation is upsetting to him, out of respect for his feelings. I won’t lie to him, either. I told him about it and let him read it upon request. Following this, my current boyfriend respectfully talked to my ex, asking him to leave me alone, reminding him that I had already asked him to. My ex agreed, only after lying to my boyfriend’s face about the contact.
Anyone who has been through this, knows already the events that generally follow. Since someone else “knows” the situation, he won’t contact me directly. But he WILL do things on the side-line to mess with me at work and possibly, my home. These people also enlist the involvement of others, to continue the harassment and bullying. It’s an old script that I am all to familiar with.
This coming Friday is a “business” gathering for local accounts and the company I work for. My boyfriend is one of those account managers. He wanted me to go with him as his date, and signed my name as such. I had planned on going. Keep in mind that I broke up with the Narc/Soc back in July. We did, however, spend quite a bit of time together, as my ex was begging me to allow him a chance to earn my trust back. I wouldn’t romantically date him again, but thought it wouldn’t hurt to give him that chance. All it did was give him more opportunity to bait me again.
I got an email from the woman who initially set us up on the date back in November of 2012, last night. She exclaimed how I “hurt” my ex badly and insinuated that I would be “classless” if I showed up to the function with another man, asking me not to go. Apparently, I stomped his little heart like a “piece of crap”… Poor little victim. You see, I have seen that “face” too many times, from him. The tears, threatening suicide, and expressing self-loathing because he “hurt me that bad”. Never once did he admit to anything he did, as being wrong. ALWAYS blamed ME for his treatment of me. Oh yeah, even though she has formed judgments about me and my relationship with my ex, based on his lies and exclamations, she has never once tried to be diplomatic or listen except as it would benefit my ex.
I talked to my boyfriend about this, as it does affect things regarding the function. I know the “victim” ploy is only play-acting. My ex has no heart regarding me or our relationship. It was just a game to him. A malicious, opportunistic, sadistic game. The cycles that were obvious and apparent, attested to that fact. However, the best way to look “good” to anyone when you are at fault, is to play the heart-broken, shattered victim. Cue tears, “here“. To his closest “friends”, this is REAL heart-break, which he’s counting on and using to sway the masses.
It works and it really sucks.
The problem… If I don’t go, it won’t be out of any respect for the little “old” weasel/slime ball, or any concern for his widdle feelers but could be viewed by him as still being able to control me and my reactions; AKA: He wins. If I don’t go, it would only be to save problems at work for myself or any potential problems for my boyfriend and nothing more. I mentioned this to my boyfriend, and he, being his sweet self, suggested that we just spend the evening doing something fun amongst ourselves. If he went without me, I wouldn’t be concerned or upset.
I told my current boyfriend that my Soc/Narc ex isn’t done, and he won’t be leaving me alone any time soon. He probably won’t do anything directly, but will change tactics and continue to mess with me, using his friends or setting up scenarios trying to get me into trouble at work (which has has done already). Since my boyfriend has never dealt with someone of this caliber, it’s hard for him to understand. He is viewing my ex as any normal individual being faced with the heartache of a break-up. He’s trying to be understanding, but his number one concern is me and how this is affecting me.
I love that about him, by the way.