I know… this is one of those “old, worn out” cliche’s. It’s an old saying that, for many, is left under the old rug that was thrown in the corner of your great grandfather’s attic, all but completely forgotten.
These past few weeks, I have been re-thinking those old, worn-out cliche’s that were always skillfully written to warn us of behaviors which would harm us or others. I, too, have thrown these cliche’s under the proverbial rug, thinking they didn’t (nor ever could) pertain to me. Many were coined well over 100 years ago, as a tool to teach the children (or adults) important life-lessons. How could they possibly stand in truth of application in today’s society? Unfortunately, people stopped listening and believing them. They are mottos to live by. This particular one is very important to learn and listen to. Only through hind-sight, did I learn the importance of it.
We, who have been targeted to be a meal to a predator, were only targeted because of our sweet, self-less, easily trusting hearts. Someone saw those attributes and decided it would be fun to mess with us and keep doing so. Period. Many of us wanted and needed someone who we could trust to hold us, empathize with us and finally make us feel needed, wanted and safe. There’s nothing wrong with that. We ALL want that, don’t we? Our downfall is in trusting right away. We give too much credit and trust where it hasn’t been earned yet. Too much trust with sensitive information about ourselves, our families, our children, jobs and friends. We believe (and most times, rightly so) that honesty and openness are crucial to any successful relationship. In a normal relationship between 2 NON-disordered individuals, this is the case. However, when one is disordered AND mirroring our deepest desires, we fall for the act, lock, stock and barrel!
Originally, the phrase, “Loose lips sink ships” was coined during WWII in war propaganda posters, reminding all citizens and military personal to stay quiet about any thing which might destroy a current movement of troops or artillery during the war. It is also true when opening yourself up to someone you blindly trust, without actually knowing the person.
In the excitement of meeting this “wonderful and caring” man, who seems to be exactly who and what we’ve needed or wanted, all along, we confide in them. We tell them our deepest desires and/or secrets. They are all too willing to play the part, too. Of course, they are only “acting”, and it works. They feed us what we need most, only to use it against us, later.
Ladies and Gentlemen, we ARE at war, here… I don’t mean that we are being chosen to fight on the front lines of any war-torn area on the planet. Our personal war is for our own psyches, heart, souls, confidence level and so-on. Our battle is to protect those we love. Our families and friends. We are left to fight FOR that which will be ripped apart, carelessly, maliciously and sadistically, otherwise. Without our stead-fast attention to details surrounding the relationship, and then to our own well being vs. detriment, we would become another casualty.
Yes, it’s just that simple.
We are the “ship”. We are that tactical entity, which the enemy wants to ensnare and conquer. When we give too much information without trying the character of the love interest, first, we are divulging information that can be used against us at any time.
It’s important to KNOW the individual first, and the only way to do that is to remain SILENT about anything in or around our lives that can be used negatively, as a way to bait or destroy. Time is the best factor we have in our arsenal, when really getting to know someone. When that person shows you flaws in their character, believe it. Understand that, especially in the early days, they are on their best behavior. If they show the character flaws early on, it is just a FRACTION of that flaw! As time progresses and you both get more comfortable in the relationship, those flaws will become exponentially worse.
Watch for signs of a TRUE EMPATHETIC nature, vs. a phony one. The phony one will be superficial, with no substance.
Now, I’m not telling you not to ever trust someone with your deepest desires or secrets; only to be cautious and patient when considering whether or not the new love is trust WORTHY! Remember, the Narcissists and Psychopaths of this world, are pros when it comes to mirroring, as a huge manipulation tactic used to woo you into trusting THEM! It works. How about that wonderful person you met? Yep, he’ll disappear as soon as you are hooked. Then, he’ll begin to see you his REAL face. The promises and exclamations will disappear, followed by his once, god-ordained feelings for you. These will be replaced by subtle power plays, and toying with your emotions because he CAN!
Don’t close your eyes to mis-treatment, in order to “excuse” it or “wish” it away. You can’t ignore the obvious, really. Though several VICTIMS have tried. Do you notice the connection?
The ones who try to ignore the abuse, no matter how slight or covert, are the ones who will BECOME VICTIMS! I was, as were several other now, survivors. It all started with a failure to HOLD OUR TONGUES or have control over them, whether in silence, or being far too open with the new love interest.
Is your heart swooning at the very mention of his name? Has he done wonderful things for you, in order to gain your interest? Has it only been a few weeks? Of course he’s treating you wonderfully, sweety. Why would he treat you like crap in the beginning? That would defeat the whole purpose of pursuing you in the first place. He wants you to see him as wonderful. Understand that so many people who appear to be wonderful, are far from it. They just want to gain your trust. To gain a foot-hold, which they will use to abuse, exploit, attack and ultimately, conquer.
There is a place to trust your partner, fully. There is a place to cry on his shoulder when your world falls apart, and confide in him. That time is NOT WITHIN THE FIRST FEW WEEKS!!
Hold your tongue, for your sake and that of your families!