Baiting


The other day I had an incident with my most recent ex, at work. I have to get the key to my vehicle from my manager’s office, every morning. My ex was flippantly standing in the doorway, preventing me from just walking past without needing to be cordial. I said, “excuse me”, as he stepped slightly to the side, letting me pass him. He said, “permission to speak?” I said, without hesitation, “NO!”.

That ended that, or so I thought. I delivered to my boyfriend’s shop, directly after that. I told him what happened. I didn’t see it as that big of a deal until he informed me, “I got a call from your ex a few mins ago.” My ex told him that he wanted to let him know about it, before I had the chance to talk to him about it. He (my ex) told my boyfriend that all he wanted to do is offer condolences because of my dog’s passing away. My boyfriend told me, “I think his intentions were good…” I let him know, “No, they weren’t.”. My boyfriend let me know later that he called my ex back. He told me, “You’re right. His intentions weren’t good, since he already knows you don’t want any contact from him…” He let my ex know that I don’t care about his well-wishes and want no contact from him, whatsoever. He threatened my ex that if he didn’t leave me alone, he would be the one to take it to corporate.

I love this man!

Chum. It’s meant as a lure to bait in fish. The bait is meant to ensnare and capture. Chum causes the consumer to drop their guard, and potentially trust the person again. Chum. I recognized it as soon as my boyfriend let me know what was said over the phone, to him.

My ex didn’t even like my dog..

Chum.. even as a nice caring gesture, it’s still meant to lure you in. If it is to offer condolences, it’s still chum. I mean as it is presented by a Narcissist or Psychopath. They don’t care about your feelings. At ALL! It’s meant to cause you to drop your guard again. Most people mean it as a caring gesture, to be nice and empathetic. We all know that the disordered individuals have no REAL empathy!

Don’t fall for it. Don’t take a bite. Walk away. It’ll seem rude to others around you. Still, don’t fall for it. Stay away, and stay safe from the already WELL known cycle you have personally seen from the individual. Recognize it for what it is.

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Will Dr. Love save your marriage?


I can’t tell you how tired I am, of the MANY comments I’ve had to trash (gleefully), about Dr. Love, shaheed ramadan (forgive me if I sound horrible) “the ‘spell-caster'”, and the likes of them. I woke up irritable this morning, and after winning the battle against my stupid, annoying alarm clock, opened my comments and here was, yet, another lengthy comment about another spell-caster.

i’m sure that many of you have seen these too, especially if you comment on or follow my blog. It’s slightly amusing to me that they choose to post these advertisements/testimonials directly in the comment section of my entry, “When a psychopath, narcissist, cluster-b, ASPD won’t leave…”. I don’t want to set any comments to be moderated before posting, because others might need to read what you write, even if I can’t respond right away. Nine times out of ten, it’s on this particular entry.

This is BEYOND IRRITATING! If you haven’t already noticed, I do NOT BELIEVE THE TESTIMONIALS OR THE HYPE!

If you are being emotionally, psychologically or physically abused.. If you have been devalued and discarded… If you have been physically or psychologically abused by a Psychopath, Narcissist or just a flat out ASS-HOLE, why would you WANT to keep that relationship? No spell-caster, or person into demonology is going to be able to change the NATURE OF THE ABUSER!

Unfortunately, in the beginning of healing, when you are contemplating leaving the abuser and the horrible situation you are in, you might be fighting the urge to go back to him or stay. “Maybe I am just being unreasonable..” or, “It really isn’t that bad…is it?”. You are in the middle of second guessing yourself, your emotions, your anxiety and fear. This is due to the abuser’s ability and necessity to control you, your emotions, your thoughts and make you BELIEVE YOU ARE ACTUALLY CRAZY!! To some of you, just to read someone else’s words, just might vindicate you. You are probably shocked that some one else said exactly the same thing YOU ARE THINKING, RIGHT NOW! Why? Because I have been through it. Many others, who’s blogs I follow (or follow my own) have been in EXACTLY the same place, with the same thoughts that you are having. It’s an excruciatingly emotional whirlwind you are in, isn’t it? I remember being in exactly the same place, myself, all too well.

You might, in your desperation to cling to your “lost love”, try to enlist the assistance of a supposed “spell-caster”, to try to save your relationship. There are several women (especially) who, regardless of the abuse they are suffering at the hands of the perpetrator, want to have the same cloud-9 feeling that they got in the beginning of the relationship, before the abuse started.  That’s what they see when they look at the one who is, now, belittling them, hitting them, causing such anxiety and fear, and are walking on egg-shells around them, and so-forth. These “spell-casters” prey on people in these situations. They are scam artists and liars. They intend to keep you stuck in your situation so the “spell-casters” can manipulate YOU into falling for the hype. “I’ll give you what you want…for a price”. Hmmm…that is the same M.O. the psychopath uses to get you HOOKED, to begin with! Amazing, isn’t it?? Think about this.

This is the abuse cycle.. it applies in abuse of all types. If you are experiencing this, it’s a clue that you need to get AWAY FROM THE ABUSE AND ABUSER!! The cycle won’t change. The abuser won’t change, and neither will your circumstances, regardless of how much you “believe” in or “love” them.

PhyVio

What it fails to mention are the “Honeymoon phase” and sweet gestures that come in the middle of the cycle, which is used by the abuser to keep the ABUSED, STUCK!!

They don’t want anyone knowing what he is doing. In order to keep the secret alive, you are made to stay SILENT out of fear.

Why would you want this for yourselves? The only way to break the cycle is, to remove YOURSELF from it!

Period.

Now, to the idiots who are leaving there unwanted “testimonials” on my page: YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM!!! Stop helping the abuser and the scam artist, by keeping women stuck! What would happen if someone read, and believed your stupid testimonials, and wound up being killed by the abuser as a result? How would you feel, to know you HELPED KILL ANOTHER WOMAN??

Spell-caster testimonials do not belong on an abuse-help BLOG!

If you, who are professing the hype (I assume you are being told to do this, to aid the spell-caster, at his/her request. You are probably being told that it will give the “spell”, power.) This is utter BULL-SHIT!! You might actually be abused, yourself. If this is the case, talk to me. Talk to someone for help, but PLEASE stop pushing this unwanted crap in sites meant to help women OVERCOME ABUSE!!

For the rest of you, I do hope you have a blessed weekend.

Stay strong and keep MOVING!!!

Back to living life


Wow! What a ride!! That’s what I think, when I reflect back to the beginning of hell, itself, and everything I’ve had to endure, to recover from it. No, not the biblical notion of “Hell”, but the life I lived and had been living for the past couple of years. This August will mark the 3 year anniversary of ridding myself of vermin. When I compare “then” to “now”, it’s amazing I’ve lived through it. The relationship itself, lasted only a year. The effects have lasted, and are still present, even today..

I’m resilient. I’m stubborn. I self-analyze, horribly. I do not accept defeat. I hate complacency with a passion.

As early as this past summer, I was still battling the effects of the monster’s abuse, though I was stronger. I was still in a bit of a minefield…or should I call it a “mind-field”… I wasn’t as paranoid as I was the previous 2 years, though I was still horribly distrusting of everyone I met or associated with.

When I moved into my house 2 years ago this summer, I was still fighting the need to look over my shoulder when I left my house. I still had to have every lock, locked, and every window opened only a little bit, so as to allow some protection from outside individuals. However, when I allowed myself some peace and fought to overcome the obvious affects of the abuse, I became stronger and more self-assured. The locks are still locked, but only because it’s safer that way. Not because I’m still ever vigilant to protect myself from pending doom, as it had been before.

I take a decided look around me, today, and think, “What a wonderful place I’m in, today!” It’s a good day.

Changing my conditioning is going to be a long and grueling process. I will make mistakes and trust the wrong people, as I had done before. I will be hurt again. It’s part of the human condition. Today, I accept my own humanity, and human frailty. I include emotional frailty, in that. I accept each day as it presents itself, FINALLY without fear.

I approach people with caution, now. I used to hate that part of the changes in me. Now, I embrace it, because it’s how I should have been from the beginning of my life. As a child who was taught to be wary of strangers. I have a healthy caution of strangers, now. I’m glad for that particular change in me! When fear changes to caution, it’s a good day. When distrust and paranoia changes to healthy boundary implementation, it’s a good day.

I will never be glad for any abuse I have ever suffered. Being victimized and abused, is NEVER EVER something to be glad for. However, I am grateful for the jaunt with the Psychopath of my past. Not for the abuse suffered, but for the drive it created in me to take a needed look inward, to the areas that needed overhauled. This journey began because of fear and a need to change. Period.

Those of you who are new survivors, you must remember that each phase you will go through is like a stepping stone. You have to climb up, step onto each one in turn, and then pass each stone, before you can take on the next. Do NOT attempt to take anything on, before experiencing the grueling parts of each step. Your journey is necessary!!! Every horrible step, muck, and thorn you experience, is NECESSARY TO HEAL!!! And most importantly, to become WHOLE! To grow to a place where you are making needed changes, which will better the rest of your life, the journey (whatever that will become for you) is NECESSARY! Don’t strong arm your way through it. It just doesn’t work. It’s a natural process, and important to live each day as it comes. Experience it. Allow yourself the time you need, to process each phase.

This morning, we are closer to the first day of spring. It’s getting warmer outside, and in some places of the country, the grass is beginning to grow again. I hate mowing, by the way :D..

Spring… life begins again..

Fitting.

There are so many


This morning, as I tend to do quite often, I’ve been reflecting, analyzing, comparing data (my own observations) etc. and I see everyone on wordpress and other forums, speaking up about the abuses they have suffered. Many of these have had dealings with a sociopath, narcissist, psychopath or any other cluster-b personality. I am included. I speak privately to other women who are too scared to be public about their abuse or recovery. I see countless women. Just women, though I know there are male victims as well. My question, when thinking about the throngs of survivors around us, is; why is this type of abuse still so unrecognized by the status quo?

With so many victims, now survivors, you would think just “word of mouth” would spread awareness of psychological abuse and the devils among us. The fact remains, however, that it stays in the realm of the “unknown” in the great expanse. Unless you are a psychological professional or have lived through the trauma associated with these deprived individuals, chances are you just didn’t know they existed outside of Hollywood’s over-exaggerations, made movies. I know I sure didn’t.

When I walked (ran) away from my abuser, over 2 years ago, one thought stayed ever present in my mind: “I couldn’t possibly have dreamed this type of person existed, in my wildest dreams. There’s no way I could have possibly made it up. I just don’t think that way…” I was in complete shock and disbelief. I so remember that, even now. I remember how crazy it FELT to me, just to make sense of the type of person I encountered. Honestly, even now to think about it, I can still feel the same shock. Some things are just best to leave where they lay.

So, back to my question: Why is it still such an unknown type of abuse? Even more so; why is just the knowledge that this type of human walks among us, still so uncommon? They aren’t ALL in prisons, and many lead productive, successful lives, as it appears. They don’t only exist in movies. They are among us. Statistics say, 4% of the population. One out of every 25 people you encounter, has a cluster-b personality, according to statistics. Pretty freaking common, and their mere existence is completely foreign to most people.

I have some ideas as to why this knowledge is still so unknown, except for psychological professionals or victims. One of which is; victims are still silent around the regular individuals we associate with. Friends and Workmates. We are open to talk to other survivors, because they GET IT. They understand. The rest of them we think will never understand. we don’t want to take the chance of sounding crazy to them, because we are afraid of the stigma associate with psychological abuse. This type of thinking keeps the abuse a secret, among the society who needs to be made aware. We are, most often, silent about it in public.

Another reason, I think, is that most of these cluster-b types are such chameleons, that they aren’t recognizable to the people around them. They skillfully fake normality and emotion. They stay hidden in the masses. That is, except for those who are closest to them. Lovers, closest friends, etc. What do the psychopaths do when they are discarded? They fight, ruthlessly, to keep their victim quiet, through fear. Their greatest weapon is SILENCE!

What are your thoughts?