There are so many

This morning, as I tend to do quite often, I’ve been reflecting, analyzing, comparing data (my own observations) etc. and I see everyone on wordpress and other forums, speaking up about the abuses they have suffered. Many of these have had dealings with a sociopath, narcissist, psychopath or any other cluster-b personality. I am included. I speak privately to other women who are too scared to be public about their abuse or recovery. I see countless women. Just women, though I know there are male victims as well. My question, when thinking about the throngs of survivors around us, is; why is this type of abuse still so unrecognized by the status quo?

With so many victims, now survivors, you would think just “word of mouth” would spread awareness of psychological abuse and the devils among us. The fact remains, however, that it stays in the realm of the “unknown” in the great expanse. Unless you are a psychological professional or have lived through the trauma associated with these deprived individuals, chances are you just didn’t know they existed outside of Hollywood’s over-exaggerations, made movies. I know I sure didn’t.

When I walked (ran) away from my abuser, over 2 years ago, one thought stayed ever present in my mind: “I couldn’t possibly have dreamed this type of person existed, in my wildest dreams. There’s no way I could have possibly made it up. I just don’t think that way…” I was in complete shock and disbelief. I so remember that, even now. I remember how crazy it FELT to me, just to make sense of the type of person I encountered. Honestly, even now to think about it, I can still feel the same shock. Some things are just best to leave where they lay.

So, back to my question: Why is it still such an unknown type of abuse? Even more so; why is just the knowledge that this type of human walks among us, still so uncommon? They aren’t ALL in prisons, and many lead productive, successful lives, as it appears. They don’t only exist in movies. They are among us. Statistics say, 4% of the population. One out of every 25 people you encounter, has a cluster-b personality, according to statistics. Pretty freaking common, and their mere existence is completely foreign to most people.

I have some ideas as to why this knowledge is still so unknown, except for psychological professionals or victims. One of which is; victims are still silent around the regular individuals we associate with. Friends and Workmates. We are open to talk to other survivors, because they GET IT. They understand. The rest of them we think will never understand. we don’t want to take the chance of sounding crazy to them, because we are afraid of the stigma associate with psychological abuse. This type of thinking keeps the abuse a secret, among the society who needs to be made aware. We are, most often, silent about it in public.

Another reason, I think, is that most of these cluster-b types are such chameleons, that they aren’t recognizable to the people around them. They skillfully fake normality and emotion. They stay hidden in the masses. That is, except for those who are closest to them. Lovers, closest friends, etc. What do the psychopaths do when they are discarded? They fight, ruthlessly, to keep their victim quiet, through fear. Their greatest weapon is SILENCE!

What are your thoughts?


10 thoughts on “There are so many

  1. I believe you are mistaken on the stats, according to Martha Stout, author of “The Sociopath Next Door”, it is 1/25 or 4% of the population with these disorders.

    1. Thank you for the correction, and you are correct. I was going off of memory about the stats when I should have verified before posting. Still, 1:25? Still enough of a prevalence that one would thing SOMEONE would notice, in regular society.

  2. They don’t usually come in the form of “The Joker” from Batman. Face painted caricatures. They usually appear quite pleasant and even incredibly appealing. How often do people interviewed after the fact say, “But he/she was so pleasant. Helpful.” There is the public face and the private face, and sociopaths and narcissists hone the public face in order to heighten the gaslighting game. “Everyone thinks I’m wonderful. What’s wrong with you?” Even once they’re exposed, it doesn’t happen like it does on television. On television, the bad guy confesses at the end of the episode and reveals himself for the baddy he is. In real life, they don’t confess. They don’t step out of the persona they’ve created. In fact, they become more adamant about their rightness. They are so sure of that rightness they still convince others who then believe the poor soul was framed. The victim misunderstood. The victim did something first. Sports stars who have murdered, beaten their wives/girlfriends, benefited from dog fights, slept with more women than they can count, and more are idolized and paid massive amounts of money. As long as there are those who are willing to idolize evil, it will continue on its merry way unimpeded. So, we fight for ourselves and those who are struggling to find their voice. That’s the way I look at it anyway.

    1. Thank you for putting this so eloquently. I was thinking much along the same lines, but couldn’t put it into words, myself. I’m 100% sure this is the main reason, but is it possible that it’s the only reason?

      My ex was quite the manipulator, just like all the others out there, with one exception. He was a student of human tendencies. He knew that the majority of people would question the validity of a story, if told by only one person, so he would create a second scenario of the same type, knowing that 2 instances of the same thing would cause others to away their opinions to attest to whatever supposed fact he was trying to create. One accusation is questionable. Two is more apt to be believed. What would happen if every victim of a cluster-b came out about the abuse? More accusations and stories are more apt to be believed, and the abusers wouldn’t have a leg to stand on. But, then there is silence from the victims.

      1. The only reason? No. But a major one. Abusers are master manipulators. I can well imagine the ex in your life would have more than one scenario, gathering his army of evidence. Part of the reason victims aren’t believed is because so many choose paths like drug or alcohol abuse to survive the memories. It makes them less believable to those judging. They’re the one’s who are wrong because the “perfect” abuser doesn’t do those things. Maddening.

        1. Absolutely!! I do wish it would change, though. It’s maddening to know that at the very least, the fight to get it out in the open, is all we have to work with. There are so many facets to the abuse, abuser and victims associated, I fear the secrecy will continue. A very sad realization. I know I wasn’t the first or last in my monster’s myriad of victims. If 2 would speak up openly about him, he would no longer be able to hide in plain sight. Then there is the fear he creates in us, enabling him to continue feigning innocence. Or even the fear associated with being stigmatized…

  3. I definitely agree that Silence is their greatest weapon! As an educator in an area of high poverty and high rates of domestic violence, I try to start with whoever is with me-breaking the silence and building relationships that encourage others to break the silence! I am often the adult who listens to children relive events of violence that they can’t process…I hope and pray that the information will spread-awareness is important…wearing a button or a purple ribbon is a conversation starter. Thank you again for posting this!

    1. Thank you for commenting 🙂 I can only imagine how heartbreaking it is, to work with these kids, who also undoubtedly have some misdirected anger, as a result of the abuse they have either witnessed or suffered themselves. I often times wish I had a teacher like you, who genuinely care about the kids, instead of the ones I had, who added to the trauma by furthering the abuse. Think of the lives you are changing! How important it is that you help the kids find their voice and confidence! Kudos to you, my dear 🙂

      I do like your idea of a button or purple ribbon to encourage questions. If we are strong enough in our process to talk about it, I see that as a great thing and a great tool! Thanks 🙂

  4. After fighting through what I can only describe as an intense mental fog, I finally discovered exactly what I was dealing with about two months ago. I had no idea what I was going through. Her cover was and is so amazing that it shocks me to no end how she is able to do it. I completely agree with you that it is a shame more people do not know about this and I have debated and tried to think of ways in which I can work to eliminate the ignorance of this reality we have to live with. She knows that I know exactly what she is and all she can say about it is “quit telling people you think I am a sociopath” and “I do have emotions” I am seriously considering writing a different type of book than the ones typically associated with this issue. An approach that shows a real believable person who is likeable and can evolve into anything she needs to be at any given moment.

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