Gifts.. Freedom is one of those..

Gifts… Over at The Project Me: By Judy, She is working on a set of gifts to herself. I am so grateful for this idea! So many times, we think of goal setting, or “resolutions” and an ominous weight falls hard on our shoulders, in an instant. As if we are destined to fail, just by “resolving” to change. She’s right in saying that “Gifts” are better option. Change is still the goal, in one way or another, but she’s right in calling it a gift. To change for the better, should always be a gift to ourselves, and not a burden.

Life is full of failures, or perceived failures. There’s too much of it going around, to be quite honest with you. It’s too easy to just resign ourselves to failure, before ever believing in ourselves. It’s too easy to become defeated when think about making even a small change in our lives. Defeat doesn’t always mean that we walk away depressed. It also means that we resign ourselves enough, that we just stand still, not giving the change or goal another thought. We don’t stretch our proverbial wings. We don’t dream anymore. It’s too hard…

Today, I found inspiration through Judy’s post. It’s my gift. I found inspiration in an old familiar house. I recognized the similarities between that old house, and my personal life. Where I have been vs. where I am right now. That gift was allowed to show itself to me, but it becomes my gift to myself, when I choose to act on it and accept it as my own. I’ve been so busy lately, that I haven’t given personal growth much thought.

I still have not arrived to that place I want to be. I’m still healing and changing. This will continue for a very long time, that’s a definite! Tonight, thanks to Judy, I choose to give myself a gift.. I have noticed that I am still distrusting and insecure. I know that tackling this, will be no small task. Not only does this become a burden for myself (still being distrusting and insecure), but it produces a negative wall between interpersonal relationships of all types. I suppose in some ways, I’ve still been looking over my shoulders. Time to stop that.

Freedom, which also means ALLOWING myself to BE free, is my gift to myself, today. Insecurity is a horrible weight, which I feel on a daily basis. Today, I begin to rid myself of that weight.

Step one. Begin to trust. Of course, I know I can’t trust everyone out there, but does that mean no one is trustworthy? Does that mean I’m not allowed to have friends, because I still fear an ulterior motive? That’s wrong, and imbalanced. It’s stripping away a life that I want and need. Insecurity is part of that distrust. Or, is it a product of distrust? I believe so. It’s insecurity that invites mistreatment. It’s distrust which keeps me in a bit of a shell, though I am finding strength in these old bones. Maybe they go hand in hand. Either way, I know there’s a link between the two, and I don’t want my new life to be ruled by such a damaging weight, anymore.

You see, if I share this with you, maybe it’s going to sink in deeper for me, in order to see it as possible…

“Breathe in…breathe out, one foot in front of the other…”

Thanks for you, Judy..


One thought on “Gifts.. Freedom is one of those..

  1. You’re most welcome. As I develop healthier boundaries, I develop healthier friendships. It all starts on the inside. Like rebuilding the house. 🙂

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