“Laugh, and the world laughs with you…Cry, and you cry alone.”

Here is an article that someone shared on the dreaded social medium, Facebook, that I would like you to read before continuing this entry:

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/04/why-we-need-to-face-rock-bottom-alone-freya-watson/

We have all been there, whether it was because of abuse, mistreatment or even due to an emotional immaturity, which keeps us from being able to handle our own emotions. None of us are exempt from hitting that horrendously dark place within ourselves. I believe most everyone, at one time or another, has thought of suicide at least once in their lives. Most don’t go through with the plans that have been kept so safely in our thoughts, but, unfortunately, some do attempt it and others succeed, to the utter anguish and pain of the family and friends who love(d) them so very much. I, personally, have been in that same dark place, more often than I care to admit. I had the same plans of how to implement my own demise and even kept the tools with me, for a while, ever-ready for that “perfect” time. Thank God I never went through with it.

I haven’t kept much of my own life, a secret. I have shared some of the darkest times of my life, hoping to find someone who could understand, if only to know I wasn’t alone. I found some who were sweet enough just to placate me, for a time. You might be able to relate to this, as well.

I know it’s not a pleasant place to revisit, even in your own memories, but if you think back to that time, can you remember where the greatest help of all, came from? Your experience might be different than my own, and I understand that while I write this… What was it that, ultimately, helped you to find strength? Some might claim that God was their strength and healer, and I am not intending to discount that, one bit.. Claim and acceptance are two different things, here. We can recite whatever prayers or positive affirmations we know, till we’re blue in the face, exhausted in the attempt, while still being buried in that dark place, feeling as though we are drowning. It is only when we dig our heels in deeply, and push through the mental/emotional torment, that we can find strength. We canNOT be slaves to it! Though, so many just give up while hoping that some miracle will find them and magically relieve them of their torment. What happens to them? There is no real peace, no relief, even though they put on a “happy face”.

It’s hard to admit to anyone, that we are struggling. It’s harder to let it show to strangers, let alone those who we are close to.

“…Cry and you cry alone.” There comes a time when that’s all you want to do. It’s all you can do. What that is, is your soul begging you to explore the vast expanse and complexity of YOURSELF. It’s your heart’s cries, crying out to you, begging to be acknowledged. We tend to want to find someone, who will make you feel safe and whole again, if only by letting you cry out to them. I’ve done it, as most others have. I remember those times. I exhausted my ability to “talk it out”, only to still be drowning in my own life, when either of us ( my friend, or myself) were done with the conversation. I was still left with myself, at the mercy of myself, with only myself as the teacher and confidant.

We don’t want to face our own emotions, by ourselves. Heck, we don’t want to face them at ALL, when they are so raw and bare…but we must face them in order to be free. Thoughts of suicide, suicide itself, emotional/mental breakdowns, and so forth, are all brought about by initially being afraid of our own dark place. Afraid to face it, head on. It’s when we ignore our own heart and psyche’s cries to us, that it hits overload.

“…Cry alone…”

Silence, when you are in that same dark place, can either make or break us. It’s when our worst thoughts and memories take over. It’s also when we are most able to hear our own hearts (our own mental/emotional cries), and have the ability to recognize that same voice, calling out to us. Interpreting the cries of our own hearts, is where the challenge lies.

I learned to hear my heart’s cries as if it was child in agony (sort of), like my own child. I sat in the silence that I hated so much, and tried to listen…just listen. Your heart will tell you what it needs, if you would be still enough. It expresses through depression, swells of negative thoughts, etc. That dark place is a result of being used, abused, and doing so much for others, but treating yourself as an afterthought. It’s brought out by placing your OWN needs, last, being willing to invalidate yourself while meeting someone else’s needs.

I’m not saying that I’ve perfected this art, but only that I can recognize my heart’s voice when it cries deep within me, now. I still go through those times, occasionally, but I recognize that the last thing I need to do is be buried by my own fear, and give up without hearing, first. It’s still a very tangible version of hell.

I mentioned ‘Claim and acceptance’ earlier… If you are a believer in God, his mercy, his peace, etc.. you already have an avenue to take toward healing. God can only bring healing, if you accept it and ALLOW IT! How many are so afraid of facing their own emotions or dark times, that they run from accepting the healing? I know that might not make sense.. In order to allow yourselves to be healed, you need to accept the pain, or the cause of the pain, first. In order to accept healing, you must first be willing to remove the fear of your own emotions. Fear also keeps us enslaved to the same emotions which are tormenting us. It keeps us slaves to negative thinking patterns, because we are afraid to face them enough to let them go. Remember Jesus and the lame man, in the bible? Whether you believe in such things, or not, this is still a lesson that is very viable… Jesus healed the lame man, and told him, “Now, take up your bed and walk”. Do you suppose that same man felt any different? I think he might have, but he was used to being lame, unable to walk. How hard do you think it was for him to trust enough to stand up? Was he afraid of falling? Did he think Jesus was ‘full of it’? Maybe. What might have happened if he chose to stay bound to his bed, because of fear? It was his choice to accept that healing and face his own pain, or choose to stay on his bed. He walked.

Face your dark place, and don’t run from it or ever give up. Let yourselves cry. let yourselves be angry, but don’t let yourselves be imprisoned by it. Acknowledge your heart’s cries, and validate yourselves. Learn to be introspective, in order to understand what you need for yourself, to become whole.

Peace and wholeness are your gift. It doesn’t mean you won’t feel pain, or anguish. It does mean, however, that you CAN accept those gifts. They are already yours…but first you must face your pain and fear enough to stand up and walk. Each day can be spent in defeat, or as a day conquered. Hear your heart, acknowledge what it’s trying to tell you. Fight to try and understand what you need, and then do it! It’s a long road. It’s a hard and painful road, but well worth it!

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12 thoughts on ““Laugh, and the world laughs with you…Cry, and you cry alone.”

  1. What you wrote makes sense. I’ve been to the abyss looked into it and turned around and walked away. I like the example you gave of the man told to pickup his bed and walk by Jesus. I read a meme this week, “If you pray to have a mountain move, don’t be surprised of God hands you a shovel.” My counselor took months to get me to the point where I could cry. Took years to come to the end of my tears of despair. It is a dark place to admit you are living in hell, even harder to take up my bed and walk away.

    1. The abyss is a very lonely and painful place to be. When you were talking to your counselor, did you find out why you couldn’t cry? I’ve been there, too. I couldn’t cry because it meant I had to face the abuse (as a youngster). It was easier to be angry, then. I didn’t cry from despair, for many years. I first had to know I was safe. It’s hard to put that time into words. At that particular time, I was 14. I met a woman, who would later become my Mother-in-law.. She is a Christian, soft-spoken, and very understanding. I really needed her, then. I didn’t start crying until I was able to release the protective barrier I had formed around myself. You know how that happened? She hugged me. That’s it. She wrapped me in her arms, and not just in a quick huggy sort of way. She held me, daily. It took a lot of time, but eventually I was able to relax and hug back. It was during that time that I started to cry. That deep releasing cry. I hadn’t cried a drop from the time I was 7, until then.

      Those times of despair, are the exact times that our psyche is crying out to us. I fully believe our body speaks to us, to let us know when we are in danger, whether that be physically, emotionally or psychologically. Our body cries, by eventually bringing us to the abyss. So many times, we are (naturally) so focused on the emotional hell we are in, we don’t even think about where it’s coming from. It’s when we learn to think and explore within ourselves, that we find the keys to get out of that very real hell. I have found that the majority of those times, are due to an imbalance…not within our brains as a chemical, but in the way of giving to others without giving to ourselves, too. We treat ourselves as an afterthought…”I’m not good enough”, “I’m ugly”, etc… We give to our families, friends, loves, but put ourselves second. When abuse is in the mix, and we choose to stay (or cannot get out of the abuse, since we are at the mercy of another), our bodies have no other way to get our attention, but to cause the dark abyss inside of us. I can’t say it’s easy to know what we need and harder, still, to learn to stop ourselves in order to hear what our bodies are trying to tell us, but it can be done.

  2. Pingback: The Abyss | PTSD - Accepting, Coping, Thriving

  3. Yes, I learned why I didn’t cry. I was conditioned and ridiculed not to. I cried more in a week of counseling than I ever did the rest of my life. However, I am back to crying rarely. A few months ago a trigger hit. I cried until there was a puddle of tears. It was the first time I felt what is called a “cleansing cry.” Afterwards I felt awkward and tried to apologize to those that saw my tears. Their answer was simple, “You have nothing to apologize for.” I agree crying occurs for some when you finally feel safe.

    1. What I’ve found that is probably the hardest thing (or at least, one of the hardest), is that I, at times, finally feel as though I have conquered whatever triggers there were, or at least have made it “out” enough to never have to revisit… only to be blind sided by some reminder that I wasn’t ready for, or a personal attack from someone at a very vulnerable time, and I fall back into the pit, for a short time. I like to remember (maybe “like” isn’t the right word, here..), that even though I was vulnerable to attack today-knocking me back a bit, I’m not where I was then. Just because we learn to combat the triggers, and get stronger in our lives, it doesn’t mean that the same conditioned triggers won’t rear their ugly heads once in a while. You aren’t defeated on those days… it’s just a speed-bump 😀

      I had to learn (still learning, by the way) to not be ashamed of my tears. Of course, I try to hide them from others, but sometimes it still happens that someone sees.. I just stopped apologizing for it. What should we apologize for? Harming another, whether intentionally or unintentionally… hurting someone’s feelings, or just when it’s the right thing to do, right? I like to think of a guideline, to help me keep from apologizing too much.. Did I directly affect someone else’s life in a bad way, by my choice, action or personal tears? Or did that person just happen to walk in and see? If it didn’t actually affect them, and only embarrassed myself, I have nothing to apologize for. Hence, I don’t apologize 1/2 as much as I used to. Life happens, sometimes, and it’s not our fault. We shouldn’t carry the weight for someone else, if it isn’t ours to carry. So many times, we wrongfully shoulder blame, as if we had something to do with what life caused for someone else.

      I like to think of those tears as our “hug”.. why would we apologize for receiving a hug?
      ((hugs)) Ruth 😀

        1. Of course you can, Ruth 🙂 And, I’m sorry for taking a couple of days to reply. I’m not so open about this website, and privacy is a little bit of a commodity these days :D…

  4. Pingback: Cry Alone | PTSD - Accepting, Coping, Thriving

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