Such a Neat Little Box

I’ve been on this particular endeavor since 2011-2012, which was the beginning of my healing process from a very real, personal hell. I met a Machiavellian, who managed to utterly destroy me, progressively and with malicious potency. I began reading everything in regards to Narcissism, as well as the other malignant personalities which are included in the dark triad; Narcissism, psychopathy and Machiavellian-ism.

There are tons of personal accounts, and clinical descriptions – listing the characteristics of  these individuals. The major characteristics are pretty consistent throughout each description, whether that be of the clinical professional, or the disgruntled, damaged ex-subject/target. What I have found in my own experiences is that the disordered are impossible to spot, for the empath. We can learn skills to protect ourselves from one variety of these “golden ones”, but completely miss the boat when dealing with individual #2 or #3.

Yes, they all love bomb. Yes, they manipulate, idealize and discard (the method of discard they might use, isn’t always walking out and leaving you for another subject… it can purely be emotional abuse and using the silent treatment for YEARS!). They constantly talk about themselves, and feign empathy and consideration for the onlookers. When you are alone with them under the veil of anonymity, you get the brunt of their disorder(s). You might be in a situation where you aren’t able to just up and leave, and are forced to play act in spite of the hell you are in, in order to maintain some sense of normalcy for the children who are also in the home, or what have you. Your situation is most likely different than anyone else’s. We all might share some similarities, but the “meat” of the experiences are, most likely, shockingly different.

I’m still on a quest. Who I have always been, has been effectively destroyed. It’s true that many of us who have been a victim of a Narcissist, and in all that victimization entails, will most likely encounter another Narcissist or a varying degree of such. I have now had the chagrin of being a victim of 3? I married my last one, who was actually a covert narcissist. I’m not a professional, in that I have never gone through school in order to clinically diagnose anyone. However, my personal experiences include a persistent, insistent and malicious whittling away of my own persona. My own personality and confidence. I have been manipulated in so many ways, my psyche is spinning. I won’t bore you with details, but I will tell you not to fall into the trap, expecting the disordered to fit into anyone’s description or limitations of a clinical explanation. The next one will derail you.

Beware anyone who has NO enemies. Do NOT assume you or your story will always be believed. Be strong enough in your own self, to withstand the storm that follows. You won’t be alone, as there are many of us who have walked the same road you are on. However, those around you just might believe the Narcissist. He is ALWAYS good at his (or her) play-acting. Some play the roll of victim, using a learned tone to sway the affections of others. It works. Its destructive. Long-time friends or family members, just might side with the Narc. Don’t be angry with them. They fell for the same bullshit you did.

The Narcissists don’t fit into a nicely organized, compartmentalized box. They ooze through each minute crack, to form their own shape.

If you find yourself in this position, you do have friends here, who choose to be here for you. I’m one of them.

Life consists of consistently moving your feet, no matter what life throws at you. Don’t give up, and NEVER EVER allow yourself to absorb any lies thrown at you. Especially those that denigrate you. You are worth the fight.