Why I am writing this blog. This is for anyone who can relate, are currently in an abusive relationship, or recently out of one.

I was with, who I believe was, a Psycopath for over a year. At the very least he could be catagorized as a Narcissist. I have been through abusive relationships throughout my life, but none so psychologically damaging as this one.

I started this blog in the hopes that, in writing, I would find some healing. I also realize that I’m not the only one to have gone through this. Many people are currently in a relationship with a Psychopath, or are in the same boat as I am…trying to get over it, find some peace, and know that we/I will be better for this experience. Unfortunately, this level of healing takes time. It has proven to be a pain-staking process, and I’m going through it very much alone.

I hope you will join me in the discussion. I hope that, above all, you will find some peace in knowing YOU are not alone. YOU are not crazy nor are you “stuck”. You are a damaged person, because of a selfish individual who has no conscience, no empathy, and absolutely no regard for anyone but himself/herself. It is NOT your fault!!!

Looking forward to hearing from you!
Peace 😀

18 thoughts on “Why I am writing this blog. This is for anyone who can relate, are currently in an abusive relationship, or recently out of one.

      1. Chrstina45, thank you for commenting, and I’m sorry it’s taken so long to respond… Unfortunately, we will never fully know how many people have encountered this same type of abuse. It’s also a horrible thing to know that so many HAVE been through it, are currently going through it. For bad or good, I will never be the same because of it. I am forever changed, which isn’t a bad thing. I needed to change. Now, I need more balance 🙂 There are so many stages, even 4 years later… When I find my way out of one, another one comes in it’s place. It’s a learning adventure, and a growing one. I’m just glad the worst is over for me.

        Chrstina, where are you, now? I’m not asking your location, but where you are in the healing process, or if you have escaped from the beast? I hope this finds you well, and on your way to the life you were always meant to have 🙂

  1. Thank you for the comment on my story website. I like your writing style, too. You put a lot of emotion and care into your words. It feels real.

    (This blog thing gets easier over time, trust me. Just keep writing and posting and everything will fall into place. I read the WordPress developers blog often and take cues from fellow bloggers. 🙂

    1. thank you for the pointers, Paula 🙂 I will definitely be checking out the developers blog. I’m learning daily about what each setting does, but I’m still very much a novice. By the way, your story is one I can relate to, very much. It’s amazing how, with each story and article I’ve read from others, it’s as if someone was watching MY situation from the beginning, and then chose to write about it. It’s a type of relief for me, to know other’s have gone through the exact same torment.

      The boy’s “honesty”, is one I had heard about as well… not to mention pictures of him all over his house… awards… a thank you note from his son’s school, 15 years prior… The cool thing? With the awards (military), his SSN was listed IN PLAIN VIEW, and i was able to run a background check on him, when I finally really began to understand the predator he really is. He, Mr. very private, forgot about that ONE very useful tid-bit of information, that left everything available to my OWN fingertips. Plus, it helps to have a police officer (mine) as a brother, and another one as one of my best friends… I was cynically giggling to myself in amusement as to how careless he was. I am still debating about super-gluing the cards he bought for me, to his windshield! lol! I won’t do it, but it IS fun to think about :D…

      With every win, I find greater strength and regained confidence. It’s a wonderful thing. I will never be the same, but I WILL be stronger and wiser because of it all. 7 months of freedom…and counting! Have a great evening.

      1. I use the writing process as part of therapy to heal in hopes to awaken others like us who may still be in the dungeon with their abuser. Also, it’s great for women who have left already to know they aren’t alone, as you mentioned. It’s like a 12-step program, in a way, but we don’t have to sit in a circle drinking bad coffee and eating bad desserts. (Hahahaha!)

        I think it is great that you get some joy from your discovery. I get the same giddy feeling knowing the boy is reading the story and visiting my site EVERY day to see what other “lies” I am sharing. It’s the only type of justice I’ll get.

        And yes, you, me, and others will NEVER be the same. But it’s such a great feeling to find ourselves again, isn’t it? To have our own voices.

  2. I know exactly how you feel, there… giddy :)… Mine had spent such a long time making sure I knew I was being watched, while at the same time, making sure I was absolutely SILENT about our relationship. Strange… (though I get it now) he was allowed to say anything he wanted at work, to family.. I felt like the dirty little secret except for the fact he was allowed to talk. Isn’t that just like an abuser? He had absolute control over what was said, and could form his own manipulative lies and stories, for work mates (family too) to interpret. that’s why, when I finally realized what I was dealing with, I shouted from THE ROOF TOPS… (aka: went to management, police, told EVERYONE to please not repeat anything about me to him.) This is why I’m still having a tough time being comfortable in my own skin. I STILL feel like he’s watching me and keeping tabs, though this is getting better. He is a cyberpath, and used it very well, to keep me in a constant state of anxiety. double this with the fact he could (and still can) watch me and my home, since he works right next door. the attacks about everything were unending and i could never predict when the attacks would come, nor the subject matter. So many things he chose to use were from my past (nothing anyone else would see as a big deal) he combed the internet from the time before he ever asked me out. No information was safe! He did this the entire time, obsessively…even stalking my family and friends over the internet, neighbors outside my door, that I was actually talking to CUSTOMERS, as it pertained to my job. It was never ending…for over a year. I was afraid to absolutely cut ties, because i knew he was a “tit-for-tat” player, and connivingly retaliatory. In the end, I had to…it was the BEST thing I could do! He knew HE WAS THE ONE BEING WATCHED, NOW!! Woo-Hoo!!

    I have been a little predisposed to depressive episodes in the past. After this, nothing gets me depressed at all! I get tired of having to deal with the aftermath of my relationship (if you want to call it that)…If I feel overwhelmed by life (which does happen, especially when it becomes apparent that I’m still not “ok”. Feeling comfortable in my own skin is a precious thing, which is also almost nonexistent. When life happens and it gets me down even slightly, I just have to think of his face (eeewwwwww!) and I am flooded with the realization that I saw hell personally, and survived! I’m away from the worst hell and survived it! Yep, giddy!! At first, I about drove everyone at work, nuts!

    Things aren’t over for me, yet. I believe PTSD is now a major factor. I’m fighting to gain back the areas that were important for me, ie: music. He tried to destroy my confidence in that area, and cheapen it. He got into my head in what seemed to be an instant, and almost destroyed that one for me. he didn’t say I was a “no-tallent” but did try to say it was a type of “therapy” for me, since “I’m mentally unstable”…(pardon me, just threw up in my mouth a little).

    Sorry for the book,
    I write and keep writing…thoughts pop in, write some more… you get it 🙂 I discovered the power of writing, when I was just a child. Writing wasn’t really much of a hobby. THAT one was mostly therapeutic.

    Glad we found eachother!

      1. Nyssa, thank you for reading and for your question. For quite some time after ending that relationship, I was afraid of my ex being able to find any info about me, whether that be from his usual methods, a third party or finding my blog. I kept this blog linked to an email that did not have my real name associated with it, to protect myself from him as well as to protect those who comment or follow my blog. I still am concerned for others safety, as there are those who are vengeful and physically dangerous. I will never know if my x has found this blog. I used to think that he could harm me due to the information about him that I have so freely shared. Here’s the thing.. I have never named him by name. The only identifiers pointing to him, lie within my personal accounts. If he were to bring attention to this blog in his own defense, he would actually be implicating himself in admission that it’s about him at all. He will never be able to hurt me without hurting himself, by using this blog as evidence of anything. I provide the noose. He indirectly hangs himself with it. I welcome that day should it ever come.

    1. I like to try and think that there is a real reason that I (and many others) have gone through this type of abusive relationship. That’s just a minute description of this type of abuse. It’s all-encompassing. It effects every area of a person’s life…including deep down to the core of what makes us an individual. A friend once said, “Take time to re-invent yourself”..and..”Now’s the time to throw out what you don’t like about yourself” and so on. It’s good advice. I’m finding myself having to “reinvent” who I am, as it seems to be so far out of touch right now, naturally. Thanks again 😀 It’s nice to meet you

      1. You know, I went through a divorce almost four years ago. While he was not this type of person, he did exhibit grandiosity like you described, and my life and who I was very much was defined by that relationship. I didn’t realize to what extent until after the divorce. I discovered there was so much I was now “allowed” to do. I could write a long list of the things I did after the divorce because I couldn’t do them then. I guess what I’m saying is, I too went through a time of reinvention. Thanks for sharing.

  3. Projectwhitespace: Normal everyday people, do exhibit some of the same traits on occasion…controlling behavior, jealousy, even grandiosity. The difference is, that these traits aren’t usually constant. Homo sapiens are a complex creature…we can be compassionate and caring one minute, then conning and manipulative the next. What classifies us as “Human” is our empathy and trust in fellow man (as a whole). We like to believe that people are inherently “good”. The Psychopath doesn’t fit this profile. They might look human, but they completely lack base human characteristics. They are good at hiding in a crowd, to avoid detection. Wonderful actors and manipulators.

    My dad introduced a phrase to me, years ago, “…can’t see the forest, for the trees.” It took me a little time (I was pretty young) to fully understand it’s meaning. When you are IN a situation, especially if it’s in your face and is your life, it’s difficult to see the whole picture. When you are removed from that situation (marriage, relationship, etc), things become much clearer, and atrocities are exposed. Hind-sight. Sometimes it’s a cruel teacher, but we are ALWAYS better for it :D…

    The greatest gift for me, right now, is that I’m able to have some confidence and pride in myself again. I didn’t realize how much he’d stolen from me. Sounds like that is something you can relate to as well. 😀 Feels wonderful, doesn’t it??

  4. vigilancemusings

    Yes, unfortunately I am recently out of a short but excruciating experience with a very sick man. It does help to discuss, read, try to put together the puzzle of what happened and the possible reasons that these people behave this way. Some of my thoughts are on my blog at http://vigilancemusings.wordpress.com/
    Courage to us all not to feel defeated by these experiences.

    1. Thank you for dropping by. I’m glad to meet you! 😉 I know things are especially hard at first, but things get easier as you learn to identify the abuser, the tactics and reaffirm who YOU are as an individual. At first (a few months in) I didn’t see or feel any changes. I thought I was forever “crazy” with what I was left with. Now, all I can say is there has been some healing and growth. I’m not completely over everything, but I’m functional again. I’ve drawn my own boundaries with even talking about my experience. The boundaries are due to the fact that no matter how loudly I holler, others just can NOT understand. And with their looks of confusion and pity (not for what I had gone through, but because I sounded like I had ‘lost it’) I realized that it can’t change their views. Integrity is the loudest tool I have. You have friends here. Feel free to take over a comment block if something strikes you to get anything off your chest. Vent, Cry, Anything. I am here for you, as is everyone else you see here. I encourage you to view other’s blogs. Knowledge of your ordeal, and reading other’s accounts, will really help you! You won’t feel so alone, and might even realize you are stronger than you thought, even before you went through this. Hugs. 🙂

  5. We haven’t heard anything from You my friend or last ten days.I hope You are well and having fun now.
    I just wanted You to know that someone think about You.
    Take care my friend!
    Be blessed!
    Your friend,milena

    1. Hello Melina 🙂

      I apologize that it has been so long. Thank you for checking on me. Everything is wonderful, though it took some time to get my internet back up and running. phew 😀

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